Love relationships between a man and a woman, no matter how they develop - slowly and gradually or lightning fast and dizzying - eventually lose their former passion and become habitual, if not boring, and can cause a break. What's going on with us?

"Dear, I have a terrible headache today ..."

"Honey, I'm sorry, not now, I urgently need to finish the report ..."

"Darling, I feel bad about something ... let's better tomorrow?"

"You go to bed, dear, do not wait for me until late."

Love relationships between a man and a woman, no matter how they develop - slowly and gradually or lightning fast and dizzying - eventually lose their former passion and become habitual, if not boring, and can cause a break.

Unleavened sex does not cause, as before, a storm of sensations, the partner becomes predictable, and passionate hugs and kisses turn into the fulfillment of marital duty.

What's going on with us?

Why are we now inventing reasons to refuse a partner, although before we were looking for any reason and did not miss a single opportunity to have sex?

Has love gone, and with it desire?

And now what i can do? Go in search of new adventures, changing partners, like gloves, or withdraw into yourself, accumulating bad experience, resentment and continuing this endless run in the circle of life?

Or maybe sex is far from the main thing in life and you can do without it? It is more important to preserve the family for the sake of children ... the status of a married person for the sake of a career ... stay close, because he will disappear without me ...

Intimate secrets of the psychology of love and sex

The psychology of sexual relations is an intimate sphere of every person's life, in which, as in any other sphere of it, individual innate psychological qualities are manifested - a set of vectors.

The type of sexuality, the range of sexual acceptability, excitatory factors, attitudes towards changing partners and sexual preferences - all this can be accurately determined in just a few minutes of communication with a person, relying on thinking in the categories of system-vector psychology.

We are very simply arranged!

Our words, behavior, actions and even appearance are a manifestation of the inner world, those qualities that are inherent in us from birth and which are impossible - and even unnecessary! - change, but which can be realized, and use the best that is in each of us, without trying to rebuild or rebuild someone for themselves.

I don't want a husband ... what to do ?!

Why does desire pass? For what reason does the once passionate lover no longer excite? What changed?

The period of mutual attraction is over - about three years during which we are held together by sexual desire. The period of falling in love, passion, honeymoons, the time when we like each other all and what you don't like is easily compensated by good sex.

We are sure that this is it, happiness, and it will always be so, but this always ends in three years, and we see before us not the object of our passion, but just a person with all his pluses and minuses. This is where the problems begin. Complaints, disappointments, grievances, reproaches ...

We do not develop a relationship, not because such is our fate, destiny, fate or something else supernatural, but because we are trying to revive a sand castle instead of building a house with a solid foundation. We had a whole three-year period at our disposal ...

The elementary, ancient, like the world, sexual attraction for creating long-term relationships for such a complex and multifaceted creature like Man has long since become insufficient. Sex has long ceased to be a mating for procreation, but has turned into an emotional connection, intellectual unity, spiritual interpenetration.

Yes, at first, like 50 thousand years ago, we are attracted by sex, and only then the question arises: "And talk ?!" But after three years, this is exactly "and talk ?!" can end with good sex as a continuation of psychological closeness with physical closeness, but not vice versa.

At the root of our relationship is becoming something much more than "I want you here and now!" It is embodied in teamwork, creativity, children, everyday life, common goals, development and, of course, excellent sexual relations of a much higher level.

Our sexuality is determined by the lower vectors - cutaneous, urethral, ​​muscular and anal. They form libido, are responsible for attraction to the opposite sex for the purpose of procreation. The upper vectors - visual, oral, sound and olfactory - give this or that type of sexuality a characteristic coloring, introducing their own nuances and finally forming preferences regarding partners.

Female and male sexuality differs in that, metaphysically, a man gives (ejaculate, food, provision, etc.), and a woman receives. The specific role of any woman is the birth and feeding of offspring. An exception is a skin-visual woman who does not give birth and does not belong to anyone.

Royal passion

The most voluminous, four-dimensional libido is the urethral vector. The leader, who is responsible for the future of the pack, is able to ensure this future in all senses, up to the birth of the next generations and the transfer of the entire gene pool of the pack in time. His attraction to women "not taken" for any reason (illness, age, loss of a husband, social maladjustment, etc.) is designed to ensure the completeness of the transmission of the pack's gene pool into the future and is a manifestation of his animal altruism and polygamy.

He is capable of almost any sexual experimentation, as he is not limited by any prohibitions or frameworks.

The violent sexuality of the urethral leader makes him desirable to any woman, since she subconsciously knows that the birth of offspring in this case is guaranteed to her by nature. However, very few such outstanding personalities are born - no more than 5 percent, moreover, only half of them survive to childbearing age.

The problem of the extinction of sexual desire paired with the urethral is not worth it as such, because it is not created for long-term and even more family relationships with one woman, among its values ​​there is no concept of fidelity to a sexual partner, there is not even the concept of "my woman", since for him the priority of the general over the particular is relevant. For him, the interests of the pack are more important, his tasks are more global.

His woman, corresponding to the highest rank of the leader, is a rank female - a skin-visual Muse who does not give birth, but inspires him to his greatest deeds.

The logic of sex

The rationality and logical thinking of the skin vector manifests itself in sexual relations as well. The choice of a partner is conditioned by both attraction and getting some kind of benefit from the existing relationship.

Prudent and economical, they do not spend too much time and resources to charm the chosen one or the chosen one, comparing the effort and possible "dividends". In sex, he (she) also saves effort, time, emotions and is primarily concerned with his own feelings.

A special exciting moment for any representative of the cutaneous vector is the novelty factor, in this regard, they are prone to frequent partner changes or adultery, considering this behavior just a desire to have fun without any long-term plans or serious intentions. This happens when the skin vector is underdeveloped or insufficiently implemented in society.

Only leather workers, trying to explain their love of novelty, call it an innate tendency to polygamy, although in fact they are not.

Having especially sensitive skin (secondary erogenous zone of the representatives of the cutaneous vector), dermal skin gets pleasure from touching, stroking, kissing - the initiation of their erogenous zone. This property of theirs can turn into a love for sado-masochistic role-playing games if they were subjected to physical punishment in childhood, when the beaten skin child adapts to pain sensations so that he begins to experience the pleasure of being hit on the skin.

Decency and taboo

The most difficult libido is endowed with representatives of the anal vector - undifferentiated, i.e. aimed at both sexes. Thus, nature ensures that the anal sexes fulfill their specific role - the transmission of information about war and hunting to adolescent boys. In the case of the full development and realization of the innate properties of the anal vector, the undifferentiated libido of the anal man is successfully sublimated, and he becomes the best teacher, sincerely in love with his vocation and his students. Sexual attraction is completely limited, turning into a talent for teaching and love for children in the best sense of the word.

Underdevelopment, lack of realization, social and sexual frustrations can lead to the emergence of homosexual and pedophilic thoughts in the representatives of the anal vector.

Twice taboo (by nature and culture) secondary erogenous zone - the anus - makes anal sexes especially concerned about observance of all norms of decency, fear of dishonor makes them listen and value public opinion, orientation to the past increases the value of traditional views in everything and creates a wary attitude towards everything new.

Rigid, sedentary psyche, poor adaptability and hostile perception of innovations significantly narrow the range of sexual acceptability of representatives of the anal vector.

Adherents of traditions and opponents of change, analogs are exactly those people who will try their best to maintain their familiar relationships, even if they have lost their former attractiveness and mutual attraction. They are ready to endure painful relationships for years, rationalizing for themselves such an act as a noble decision "for the sake of the children" or because of "what people will say", while accumulating sexual frustrations that can result in domestic tyranny and cruel treatment of their own children.

Sometimes, in need of additional initiation of their secondary erogenous zone, a woman or man with an anal vector is embarrassed to even admit this to himself, not just to tell his partner about it. A man regards such a desire as a manifestation of homosexual thoughts, and therefore unacceptable for himself, and a woman, due to conservatism or also existing frustrations, considers it indecent. The attitude of women towards anal sex changes if the partner manages to sexually reveal his companion - in this case, the anal woman will prefer anal sex to vaginal sex.

In the case of sexual shortages, precisely in terms of initiating a secondary erogenous zone in a woman, such dissatisfaction can be manifested by too much concern about cleaning the house, up to daily general cleaning, or, conversely, diluting food mud around her.

It's time to give birth has come

The representatives of the most numerous vector - the muscular one - are especially sexuality. These are ordinary people who live by ensuring their basic desires - to eat, drink, breathe, sleep, maintain body temperature in the landscape and continue themselves in time.

Taking pleasure in physical labor, they choose their partners in life for their hard work, that is, the same muscle people.

Reaching childbearing age, a muscular woman feels the need to give birth to a child, so she strives to get married. Gives birth easily and a lot, often having a large family. Attitude towards sex solely as a means of procreation. Both men and women are suspicious of sexual relations outside the family, because it is "not human." They live together all their lives, without changing their partner, because they see no reason to do this.

Influence from above

The basis of sexual attraction is, of course, the lower vectors, but the influence of the upper, especially the dominant (sound or olfactory) vectors is very significant.

The most amorous, emotional and sensitive visual vector gives special importance in sexual relations to a romantic setting - flowers, gifts, dim lights, bedding and underwear, appearance or sincerity of a partner's feelings.

For a woman with a visual vector, an emotional connection with a partner is more important than for any other. The skin-visual woman, who by nature does not give birth, is generally the founder of a culture that has transferred sex from the category of mating to the category of emotional intercourse, mutual pleasure, intimate love play.

Only a skin-visual woman is able to give a night of love to a young warrior who does not know a woman, but who goes to his first battle at dawn. She does this out of compassion, not out of licentiousness. In the undeveloped state of the vectors, the same skin-visual woman, as the carrier of the victim complex, becomes a victim of sexual violence.

One of the dominant ones - the sound vector - is asexual, its values ​​lie outside the material world, which he perceives as an illusion, as well as the needs of his own body, including sexual ones. The presence of a sound vector in a person lowers the libido of any of the lower vectors, except for the urethral, ​​with which he does not manifest himself at the same time, making such a person at different times either pure urethral or purely sound.

Being dominant, the sound vector requires the satisfaction of its needs in the first place, relegating the desires of other vectors to the background.

Sound shortages can lead to a complete absence of sexual desire for a partner until the moment when there is no filling, at least partial, of the sound vector. Only after that, other vectors, including those responsible for libido, will have the opportunity to declare themselves and express their desires.

It is the spouses of sound specialists who are more likely than others to ask the question: “What to do if my husband has lost interest?”, Trying to find the reason in themselves, life circumstances or everyday issues. At the same time, most often the sound engineer himself is not able to realize, and even more so to explain to someone his shortcomings.

In a sexual relationship, sounds play an important role for a sound engineer - music or complete silence, the sound of the surf or the sounds of the forest, hot whispers or passionate confessions.

The second dominant vector, olfactory, when choosing a partner is guided by his desire for complete melancholy. The less emotional a person is, the less harsh and unpleasant his smell is for the olfactor. This is a peculiar nuance that the presence of an olfactory vector introduces into the choice of a partner in attraction, carried out by the lower vectors.

A spicy feature of the oral vector in the sexual sphere is its love for kissing, oral sex (not to be confused with skin people, they also like to get oral sex, as it stimulates the most sensitive areas of the skin), talking during sex and screaming. His secondary erogenous zone - lips, mouth, tongue - must be constantly occupied, which provides additional pleasure from the initiation of this erogenous zone.

A guide to love relationships between a man and a woman

System-vector psychology, explaining the most intimate psychological mechanisms, provides a unique tool for building sexual relations between partners.

Awareness of your own needs and desires of a partner provides an opportunity to look differently at your sex life, make it more complete and varied, while simultaneously receiving and giving exactly what can bring special pleasure to both of you.

Sex is both a beginning and an end in the sense that every relationship begins with sexual attraction, providing a chance on their basis to build a higher level of mutual connection that can prolong the love relationship for many years. To create a relationship in which intimate life is mutual disclosure, deep psychological penetration, embodied in physical intimacy, and bringing not only bodily pleasure, but also psychological comfort and joy at the mental level.

You will learn how to bring this to life at the training of Yuri Burlan. ... Join free online lectures to take the first steps in a deeper understanding of yourself and your loved one. You can register

Sexual sphere

INCREASED IMPORTANCE OF THE SEXUAL SPHERE

Some signs indicating increased importance of the sexual sphere, have already been considered in connection with the analysis of human drawings. These are typical teenagers emphasizing gender characteristics, indicators of emotional stress when depicted, extravagant clothes(see fig. 12, 13, 34, 40, 44). O the high importance of the sexual sphere is also indicated by the image nude or semi-nude figure(fig. 54).

Eleven-year-old Inga drew "a ballerina in a leotard who will now dance." As mentioned, the image of not just a person, but a certain character is a sign of demonstrativeness, especially if this character (as a ballerina), due to his individual or professional qualities, is the object of universal attention. A large number of jewelry also speaks of the girl's high demonstrativeness: a rose on the bodice, lace, graceful gloves, patterned stockings.

In Inga's drawing, along with signs of demonstrativeness and increased interest in the sexual sphere, a specific pose with hands covering the genital area is also presented. This position of the hands is interpreted as an indicator of the desire to control their sexual impulses. Perhaps, in this case, the need for increased self-control is associated with the girl's feeling of lack of orientation in life. In the drawing, this feeling is reflected in the unstable posture of the ballerina (cf. fig. 43).

For eleven and a half years, Inga's drawing looks quite mature. It can be assumed that interest in the sexual sphere is associated with an advance in general psychosexual and emotional development, early deployment of the adolescent crisis. Complaints from Inga's mother about her daughter's uncontrollability, constant leaving home for friends without permission, and late return home are also typical for the period of adolescent crisis. On the basis of the survey, recommendations were given on how to communicate with the girl and her upbringing, corresponding not to the passport, but to Inga's psychological age.

Sexual symbolism in the drawings of boys differs little from that in the drawings of girls (Fig. 55).

Just like Inga, Sasha has an interest in the sexual sphere that is ahead of the age norm. It manifests itself in the image of an almost completely nude character, in emphasizing the chest and genital area. The presence of male nipples in the drawing is interpreted as a reflection of sexual symbolism, regardless of the way they are depicted, but in this case it must be analyzed separately. Sasha depicted a man's chest in the way that a woman is usually depicted. In his drawing, there are signs of the opposite sex (female breast in a man), which indicates an unformed gender identity. Consequently, Sasha's interest in the sexual sphere appears in its pure form, and not as a manifestation of a general advance in psychosexual development. Such an advance would have to manifest itself in a sufficiently mature gender identity.

In fig. 56 shows a carefully rendered effect transparent clothing. This is the same sign of the high importance of the sexual sphere, as well as the depiction of a nude (semi-nude) character. In a relatively adult person, such a special significance of the sexual sphere usually signals about some kind of trouble in relations with the opposite sex.

Along with this, in the image of a man, the hand covers the genital area. As indicated in the analysis of Fig. 54, this hand position is interpreted as a sign of a tendency to control one's sexual impulses. This suggests that Anatoly has specific norms governing gender relations, since the standard norms of modern society do not imply high sexual control in a man. Perhaps this explains the difficulties of Anatoly in building his sexual relations, which cause the increased importance of the corresponding sphere.

AVOIDING SEXUAL TOPICS

Avoiding themes related to the sexual sphere is manifested in the absence of an image of the lower half of the human body or in the image of only the face. This usually refers to a drawing of a person of the opposite sex (Fig. 57, 58).

Sixteen-year-old Sophia drew a full-length girl, but arranged the young man so that the lower part of his body was hidden by a table. In the image of the young man there are signs of emotional stress (increased pressure on the pencil, corrections). This suggests that Sophia's withdrawal from sexual issues is associated with a tense attitude towards this area. It can have various reasons: unfavorable previous experience, general ideas about the undesirability or forbiddenness of sexual relations, mistrust of members of the opposite sex.

A similar combination of withdrawal from sexual issues with a tense attitude towards this area is observed in Fig. 58.

Previously, a drawing of a young man made by Dima was analyzed (Fig. 47). It contained signs that the ideal of masculinity was highly important to the author. The drawing fully corresponded to the instructions: the person on it was depicted as a whole, full-length. In the drawing of the girl there is only a face. The lips, which represent a socially acceptable sexual symbol (association with a kiss), are especially carefully drawn. Thus, first of all, lips of an emphasized shape are interpreted: in the form of a bow (as in this figure) or a heart. A less pronounced sexual symbol is the accentuated full lips, the shape of which is not traced.

EXPRESSED ADVERSE OF THE SEXUAL SPHERE

One of the most common signs of serious trouble in the sexual sphere is the manifestation of a particularly significant emotional load when depicting the chest, thighs, and genital area. In fig. 59 the chest is depicted in multiple lines with increased pressure. The genital area, which in the first (later erased) version of the drawing was hidden by a skirt, is also drawn in detail.

The drawing as a whole contains pronounced signs of anxiety (corrections, multiple lines), high emotional tension (increased pressure), fears (dark glasses). A carefully drawn hairstyle, beads and earrings indicate a high degree of demonstration. Such pronounced, mature and rough sexual symbolism, as in Sonya's drawing, is completely unusual for her age.

We can talk about a significant acceleration of psychosexual development, accompanied by serious problems in the sexual sphere. This may be the result of either physiological disorders that led to ultra-early sexual development (hormonal disorders, organic damage to the hypothalamic region of the brain), or lecherous actions with the child. It was not possible to establish the cause of deviations in psychosexual development. Consultation of an endocrinologist is recommended.

Another manifestation of dysfunction in the sexual sphere can be seen in Fig. 60. The image of a man and a woman reflects a high level of anxiety (erasures, corrections, multiple lines), communication problems (sharply reduced hands, empty eyes - signs of possible autism), asthenia combined with increased emotional lability (highly variable, but mostly weakened pressure on the pencil). All indicators of psychological stress in the image of a woman are much more pronounced than in the image of a man. To the already noted signs are added an extremely gross violation of proportions, a distortion of the shape of the face. In general, the image resembles a witch with a crooked mouth and bared teeth.

In Ilya's perception, a woman is a source of threat; it is aggressive (verbally at least) and potentially dangerous. The depiction is more of an adult woman than a girl. This suggests that the image of his mother is behind the boy's idea of ​​a woman. However, the pronounced sexual symbolism (accentuated breasts) indicates that the drawing should be interpreted in a more generalized way - as an image of “women in general”.

The connection between the generalized image of a woman and the maternal figure was emphasized by Z. Freud. It is especially strong in cases of an unresolved Oedipus complex. It can be assumed that violations in the relationship with the mother (overprotection, excessive pressure) led to a pronounced fear of women in general. At the same time, in adolescence, the problem of relationships with the opposite sex is always highly significant. It is very likely that the significance of these relationships, combined with extremely negative expectations, was one of the reasons that caused Ilya's unfavorable psychological state (the anxiety and autism noted above).

The mother characterizes Ilya as a nervous child who experiences serious difficulties in contact with people. According to her, there were adverse manifestations before, but sharply intensified in the last six months. This information is quite consistent with the hypothesis put forward as a result of psychological examination. Family psychotherapy is recommended to overcome the existing difficulties.

LACK OF GENDER IDENTIFICATION

For early adolescence, drawings are typical in which there are no signs that determine the gender of the character. They testify to lack of formation of gender identity, common at this age.

As a rule, this is combined with the lack of an acutely expressed interest in the sexual sphere, which is characteristic of older adolescents and adolescents. More specific are cases when there is both an immature sexual identity and an interest in the sexual sphere.

An example of such a combination is shown in Fig. 61 (see also fig. 55). The drawing was made by eleven-year-old Any M. according to the standard instructions. When asked what the sex of the depicted character is, the girl replied that it was a man. Meanwhile, it is extremely difficult to determine the gender from the image. In particular, the genital area is depicted as a female rather than a male. This indicates that Lyuba's gender identity has not been formed, which is quite consistent with her age.

A sign of the significance of the sexual sphere is the sharply emphasized framing of the genital area (pockets and belt buckle drawn with strong pressure) and the chest area (tie). Of the general psychological features in Lyuba's drawing, high emotional lability (pronounced fluctuations in the force of pressure on the pencil), the desire for orderliness (high accuracy and thoroughness when performing the drawing, strict symmetry) and demonstrativeness (an abundance of various details) are manifested.

The high importance of the sexual sphere in the case of unformed sexual identification is also shown in Fig. 62.

According to the standard instructions, Ulyana portrayed a man whose nipples on his chest are drawn according to the male type (there is no female breast), while the hips and genitals are rather female. In response to the question of what gender this person is, Ulyana replied: "Uncertain." In response to a request to draw a person of the opposite sex, she portrayed a man; therefore, the first drawing still depicted a woman. This uncertainty about the sex of a character is a typical sign of an unformed gender identity. For the age of twenty, this is evidence of a severe delay in psychosexual development. The high importance of sexual issues is evidenced by the image of a nude figure with drawn nipples.

The underlined contour of the figures (especially the female) speaks of increased self-control, the desire to hide their problems and experiences from others (see the analysis of Fig. 24). The man has one hand shaded and the other a shaded briefcase. This can be interpreted as an indicator of tension in contacts with the opposite sex.