It is important for people to love and respect themselves. This is not about narcissism or selfishness. To love yourself means to believe in the strength of your spirit. A person who is satisfied with himself knows that he has a goal and tries in every possible way to achieve it. Accepting all your pros and cons, making friends with yourself is not as easy as it seems at first glance. For this you need to achieve harmony. It is she who will fill human life with happiness. Find out the advice of a psychologist on how to start loving and respecting yourself. If you are ready to work on yourself and change, then go ahead!

What does it mean to love yourself?

If a person loves himself, then he is comfortable alone with himself and in the company. He is confident in his abilities, he makes all decisions on his own. Such a person knows which way to go, respects his mistakes.

First, take a look at yourself from the outside. Treat yourself like a good friend. Not sure how to start loving yourself for a loved one? It's not that hard. First, make a list of what you call love on a piece of paper. For some, this list includes the following items:

• take care of yourself;
• please yourself with little things;
• calm down in difficult situations;
• strive for spiritual and professional growth;
• do not deprive yourself of praise.

Completing the above tasks is very important. Additionally, you can remember a healthy lifestyle, appearance. Proper nutrition, active rest, sufficient care for the body, hair, teeth make a person attractive and increase his self-esteem.

Your level of self-esteem

How to start self-assessment, how to start loving yourself? Psychological advice is aimed at performing one simple exercise. To do this, you will need a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Draw a line from one corner of the sheet to the other. After that, put a point on it that would be associated with your vision of yourself. The interpretation of the results of such a test is as follows:

• If you put the mark close to the middle of the line, then you have an optimal level of self-esteem. You clearly love yourself, but consider the opinions of others.
• If you were prompted to put a dot on top of the line, then you have too high self-esteem. You don't just love, you adore yourself. Do not forget about the feelings of others.
• The dot you put at the bottom of the line indicates an underestimate. You listen too much to the opinions of others, you hardly value yourself.

The last test result stimulates a change in this situation. How to start loving yourself again? Further you will learn the effective advice of psychologists.

Negativity and criticism are the worst enemies

Everyone has heard that thoughts are material. It is very important to think positively. Catch yourself on every negative thought, switch to the right channel. How to do it? Here are the tips from psychologists:

1. Do not engage in self-criticism, stop criticizing yourself. All people make mistakes, so respect yourself and accept with all your faults.
2. Let go of all past gaps and grievances, forgive everyone and yourself, including. Analyze all your mistakes and learn the lessons.
3. Think positively about yourself. Highlight the positives so you can cultivate and develop them. Feel like a kind and positive person, even with small flaws.
4. Be responsible for everything that happens to you, do not blame anyone for anything. Learn to control your perception. Remember, the choice is always yours, any situation can be changed. Your life is in your hands!

You need to change your thinking gradually, do not boil. If you have been a great self-critic, then it will take you time to become a self-sufficient person.

Change theory with practice

It is not enough to have theoretical information, do not forget about the practical direction. To do this, psychologists recommend performing very interesting exercises that will help you perceive yourself as a whole.

1. "Reflect on yourself".

Answer the following questions honestly:

• Who you are? (Indicate gender, age, profession and type of activity).
• What are you satisfied and dissatisfied with in yourself?
• Do you have any achievements that deserve pride?
• What are you aiming for?
• What are your best skills?
• What do people around you see good and bad in you?
• What are the reasons for your failures?

This exercise leads to self-knowledge, helps to identify all the pros and cons.

2. "Advantages and disadvantages".

Take a pen and a blank sheet of paper. Draw a vertical line on it in the middle. On the one hand, write down all your advantages, on the other - shortcomings. Re-read all the specified data carefully. Then tear off half of the sheet with the listed minuses, fold and discard. Try to re-read the saved scrap with merit as often as possible. If suddenly there are additions, then feel free to include them to your pluses. You can record even the smallest victories. Over time, self-love will begin to develop.

3. "I'm not the same as yesterday. "

Don't put yourself in opposition to other people. Notice all the good and bad behind yourself, record it. In the evening, check your notes and compare with the previous ones, analyze. If you yourself notice the dynamics of changes, then this will be a great stimulation. Respect yourself, admit your love!

Daily work on yourself

If you want to learn the philosophy of how to start loving yourself, then remember about the regularity of your actions. After waking up and at night, mentally wish yourself well. Start your day with a greeting, praise yourself, say good night. Such a simple ritual will accustom your mind to a positive attitude towards your personality. Soon you will not notice how you begin to love yourself.

Try talking to your reflection in the mirror. Smile, say a few praiseworthy phrases in your address. Women can imagine themselves as the heroine of the movie "The Most Charming and Attractive". Say approving phrases: "I like myself, I am attractive and sweet, men like me." After a while, you will notice the effectiveness of this exercise.

Don't forget about small gifts and surprises. It can be some kind of accessory, cosmetic or wardrobe item. Remember to take good care of your body. Exercise, eat right. A beautiful body is another reason to be proud of yourself.

Basic Steps to Deal With Uncertainty

So, having learned how to start loving yourself, follow these steps:

Let go of the victim and learn to forgive

Happiness is within you. Some problems from early childhood do not allow a person to learn how to start loving and respecting himself. The advice of psychologists only proves that sometimes parents, in the desire to raise a well-bred person, humiliate and offend their child. This does not mean at all that you need to keep the offense for life.

The highest degree of humanity is forgiveness. Forgive everyone and yourself, including. Be aware that in some cases, fear and ignorance govern the behavior of people. If you are tormented by resentment and pain, then mentally forgive the offenders. Let go of the situation. It is impossible to correct the mistakes of the past; try to make your future happy.

Self-love and selfishness: what's the difference?

Many people confuse love and self-respect with selfishness. On the contrary, if you do not love yourself, you will not love others. To increase self-esteem and not step over the line of selfishness, remember the following tips:

• People are imperfect, everyone can be wrong, don't ask too much of others.
• Be frank with your neighbors, express your wishes and disagreements.
• Consider the opinions of others, but always have your point of view.
• Accept people as they are, don't try to change them.

Always remember that it takes time to change. Start your journey in small steps to achieve your goal!

Books "How to start loving yourself?"

There are so many books that will help you do auto-training and feel happy. Many were guided by the great book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It helps to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, fight shyness and indecision. The main postulate of this book: "love yourself - and life will love you"!

Many are familiar with the books of the famous doctor Kurpatov. One of them is called "12 non-trivial solutions. Finding peace in your soul." She gives a lot of practical and useful advice with all the disadvantages.

Louise Hay has devoted more than 30 books to psychology. One of them is "Love yourself. Trust your life." The author has formulated 10 ways to be happy.

Many have heard of the family psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, who is the most expensive and sought-after specialist in Moscow. He has a book "Love Yourself With Any Appearance." The author gives a lot of advice on how to improve self-esteem. All these works are united by one important advice - you must feel your importance!

What does it mean to love yourself?

“I feed myself buns at night because I really want them. I thought I was showing love for myself this way, but now I'm overweight. "

No! This is not a manifestation! The manifestation of self-love is to hear the body's true need for food. And very rarely, the body actually wants buns. The body needs a healthy diet! And when he regularly wants buns and certainly at night, this means that there is some other need that the owner of this very organism does not recognize.

Such a need may be for intimacy. And when a person himself does not know how to be close to himself, does not know how to love himself, he takes this need for hunger, and certainly hunger for buns.

In another manifestation, such a person understands that he needs attention, affection and care. And then he begins to demand this from others. At the same time, he is very offended if he does not receive the manifestation of love from others that he wants. And what he wants - he often does not know himself. But others have to guess.

And again no! A person who loves himself is able to give himself the necessary attention, care and other manifestations of love. And in those cases when he cannot give it to himself, he is able to ask. Not to demand, but to ask! And when he asks, he is ready to both receive what he wants and accept the refusal. After all, the other, upon request, is not deprived of the right to choose.

Also, a person who loves himself is able to give love to another when he really needs it, without imposing his demonstration of love. And he is able to refuse a request when he is not ready to fulfill it.

Generally a person who loves himself = a person who knows himself. Such a person knows how from the feelings of another, knows the limits of his capabilities, knows his individual characteristics and inclinations, knows how to understand his boundaries and is in contact with himself and is able to understand his feelings, their reasons and purpose.

Another manifestation of pseudo-love for oneself is when a person surrounds himself with expensive accessories: super-cars, incredibly expensive clothes, fashionable watches, glamorous parties. And such a person also believes that in this way he shows love for himself.

And again no! If a person does not know other manifestations of love towards himself, except for material manifestations, this is not love. Such a person never feels truly satisfied. A new purchase brings, and the more such purchases become, the shorter and less the joy. It is possible and necessary to please yourself with good things, but this can be only one small component of the whole variety of manifestations of love. If you imagine a child who receives only monetary and material love from his parents, then such a child will cause only pity in most people. The child needs communication, hugs, kisses, games, joint trips. How often children who grew up in poor families feel much happier than the children of wealthy parents. Because they are, and it has nothing to do with material wealth.

If you say or think: "I want to change"- this is dislike again! This is a dislike for oneself, present, present. And if you think about it, why are you so bad? What is so terrible about you that you cannot live the way you are? Or maybe you were guilty of something? How did you deserve this attitude towards yourself? After all, when you say to yourself, “I want to change,” it’s like a mother would say to a child: “I want you to change, to be a different child!” One can imagine the trauma these words will inflict on a child.

Someone says: "I am constantly afraid of everything and I hate myself for it!" Instead of "I'm afraid" you can substitute other feelings: angry, sad, embarrassed, etc. And if, instead of hatred, we try to stop and figure out what are the reasons for this fear? What really scares your Inner Child? After all, if he is afraid, then there is a reason. And there is always a reason! Perhaps he is hidden somewhere in the depths of the unconscious, under huge layers of memory. Perhaps some deep episode resembles the events of the present, and fear arises in connection with this. And perhaps, if you figure it out, then you are not so afraid of everything. And you are afraid in very specific situations, with very specific events, and maybe these events and situations really pose some kind of threat.

Taking into account yourself, your fears, your sadness, your real real needs, to satisfy them - that's what it means to love yourself. Do not throw yourself into danger, do not exhaust yourself with diets or loads, do not expose yourself to unjustified risks - this is what it means to love yourself. Treat your feelings with care and tenderness, pause to figure out what is really happening to you, give yourself time for rest, pleasure and joy of life, but at the same time, do not lie on the couch all the time, but do everything in order to improve your own life - not for someone, but for yourself - these are manifestations of self-love.

To take responsibility for what is happening to you, to believe that all the circumstances of your life do not develop by themselves, without your participation, it is you who add them up, to understand once and for all that it is you who are the director of your life, and only you choosing your path in life, making decisions that form your destiny - this is also a manifestation of self-love.

Changing what you don't like, have the right to make mistakes, learn the lessons of life, gain experience, think, feel, do and be aware of what you think, feel and do - this is also self-love!

It is impossible to love someone you do not know! To understand what kind of manifestations of love are needed for a particular person, you need to know this person. And in order to understand how to love yourself - you need to know yourself, be interested in yourself, once be surprised at new knowledge, but take it for granted, - treat yourself as the most loving, caring, most tender, but and a self-loving, not sacrificial, but productive, parent. I love - it means, I know and accept to the end, without a single exception!

Well, now it's time to talk about how to love yourself? And in general, what is self-love? In the previous articles, we have already figured out the answers to the questions: "Who am I? Why did I come to this world? And also decided how important it is to live exactly the way you want it. It's time to talk about self-love."

The first person on earth whom I must learn to love is myself.

If you want to fill your cup of life with love, you must do this, first of all, in relation to yourself. After all, I myself am the most dear person on earth. And in this self-love, absolutely no one can replace you.

Until we learn to love ourselves, we cannot get enough of other people's love. It will always seem to us that others are not fair to us, they will not be able to give us what we want, they love us wrong.

Whenever you feel that you are not liked, think about what you are depriving yourself of?

How can and can you even learn to love yourself?

It is not only possible, but also necessary. First, let's define what it means to love?

It means taking care of the one you love, respecting, trusting him, wanting to be with him, enjoying communication, understanding what he wants. And so, if you can say that in relation to yourself you are experiencing all this, then you have no problem. You already love yourself.

But unfortunately, not all people can boast that communicating with themselves gives them pleasure, that they trust themselves, their bodies, thoughts and their desires. Some people try to "snatch" this love from others at any cost, make them love themselves, or buy this very love for a lot of money. But no matter what kind of scenery such a person furnishes this performance of life, yet deep down in his soul he realizes that he does not love himself, some even say that they hate themselves. This brings suffering to himself and hard times for those around him.

Why is this happening?

Is it possible that a person does not see in himself the wonderful qualities that are given to him by nature. Alas, it happens. What are the reasons for that?

We have already said in other articles that in order to form a good attitude towards ourselves, that is, a positive image, I must first tell us about this by the people with whom we are growing up, our parents and the closest people. They should tell us that we are beautiful, talented, valuable, smart and interesting. But this is not always the case.

If they convinced us of something else, for example, that we are stupid, ugly, we have no abilities and that we do not represent any interest and value to others, unfortunately, such a person will suffer from the fact that he does not love himself. Because the idea of ​​myself is formed from the ideas of others about me and from the experience that I myself received in the process of life.

And then the most advanced go to trainings, but there they say:

"You need to love yourself! Boost your self-esteem! Become self-confident! "

Yes, this is easy to say, but not so easy to change and do. Because most trainings are one-time and there is only they say what problems you have, but very few who solve them. It becomes another abstraction, a metaphor, if you can't turn it into real action.

It is my deep conviction that it is not enough to know, you need to have the tools with which you will learn to love yourself. In order to learn to soberly assess both my good qualities and shortcomings, I propose to always solve problems at all levels simultaneously and not at once. Since you have been accumulating problems and complexes all your life, therefore it is impossible to get rid of them in two or three days. This is self-deception.

If you have low self-esteem, or, more simply, you do not understand and do not trust yourself, it takes time to understand why this happened and to gain new experience at all levels of perception at the same time. Namely: at the level of body, emotions, consciousness and self-image, so that you learn to live with a positive sense of yourself. After all, for example, your belief "I am not confident in myself" is not only a thought, it is also the emotions associated with this belief, it is also an image of yourself, that is, ideas or memories of yourself in some situations, and of course, your body remembered how to feel, feel and how to move when you are unsure of yourself. And in order to change this attitude, you can read the affirmations to the point of dullness - it will not help. To change a belief, you have to go through all the levels at which it is fixed and change.

• Realize the problem (complex, conflict, illness, etc.), that is, name it;
• Find how it manifests itself in the body (what sensation it causes);
• How you can or cannot move in it in space;
• Understand what emotions it evokes and the images associated with them;
• In what situations has arisen and arises;
• Change this again with the help of movement or its quality,
• and fix this sensation in the body.

I called this process the "elevator principle" when you move from level to level and make "repairs".

any bodily sensation and movement is associated with emotions - changing one we always change another.

And then you can not just talk about loving yourself, you can learn how to do it. You get real self-help tools. And they are always with you. Because the body is always with you. I wrote a whole book about this. "How to reclaim Your Real Self"

First of all, you need to remember that we are all unique and amazing in our own way. Each of us has a body that in motion (action) reveals our unique characteristics. By examining your movements, connecting them with feelings and images, learning to be aware of them, you will receive a built algorithm for self-development.

Each of us has something inside that is able to distinguish a lie from the truth. And this is our self, our essence. This is the compass that keeps us on track. And the further you move away from your self, the more it returns you to "your path" through conflicts, illness, bad mood and well-being.

If you don’t understand what your self is telling you, it’s because you don’t know how you can make it a reality. At the trainings, you are taught only to talk about your problems, and this is self-deception. Only by analyzing, you will not get the desired result. Sooner or later, you will be overtaken by a feeling of disappointment in yourself and in the training.

To really solve a psychological problem and love ourselves, only an encounter with reality will help us, and only our body is real. Until we have manifested our thoughts, images and feelings in the body and in movements / actions, they will be fantasy, they are not real without our body. Until you have a mechanism by which you can check for the "correctness" of your thoughts, images and emotions, they will remain only your fantasies. And you can check them only in the body and in movements.

It is important to learn not only to analyze and be aware of your actions and habitual reactions, it is important to find their manifestation and reflection in the body, in movement and in creativity. Yes, it will take some work to overcome those habits that prevent you from being happy, but in the process of this work on yourself, you will learn to understand yourself and really learn to truly love yourself for the qualities that you discover or gain. Because we can love only those whom we know and whom we trust. And we can only trust the one who does not fail, with whom I was both "in trouble and in joy" and he did not betray.

In order not to betray yourself, learn to trust yourself. And you will learn this by mastering the author's holistic approach to self-development, where work with the body is the basis on which you will build the foundation of self-love.

This process can be compared to the gradual peeling of the husk from the onion.

After all this, there will be no reason to think about what you can love yourself for. You will really have a good reason to love yourself. So you have something to love for the people around you.

Such a process of self-knowledge and restoration of the harmony of body-soul and consciousness gives health, joy and happiness.

What else do we need in life? BUT?

Love yourself and trust your body!

Let's start with a simple question: do you love yourself? If you don’t love yourself, then you don’t have to say anything. Your appearance, way of life have told everything for you long ago. But do not be sad and do not rush to "write yourself off", be sure to read the article to the end. If your answer is yes, then how is this expressed? You can often hear "I never offend myself", "I do not upset", "I do not allow myself to be insulted."

Pay attention to one small clarification. “Don't upset yourself” is not the best formulation. For clarity, let's imagine a juicy, ripe lemon. You start to cut it, juice splashed from under the peel, you smell it, put a slice of lemon on your tongue and ... DO NOT feel its taste. Now convinced that the "NOT" particle is useless? The main processes take place at the subconscious level, and it attracts the closest sensation to what you are talking about.

If you “DO NOT offend” and “DO NOT upset” yourself, then subconsciously you are only doing what you upset and offend yourself. To express your warm feelings, remove negative wording, say "I please myself", "I am proud of myself." But that's not all ...

Let's find out together what it means to “love yourself” and how to do it? So, loving yourself means:

1. Do what you like. How can you understand that a person does not love himself? It is enough to watch him get ready for work. If he moans, curses the day he crossed the threshold of his office, uses the words “must”, “must”, “obliged”, then you have a typical “hater of myself”. Surprisingly, this lifestyle does not surprise anyone and has long since become normal. Wanting nothing, saving, cutting back, being patient are taught from childhood. It is customary to leave your desires "for later", however, as well as your own life. A self-loving person 80-90% of the time does what he likes. If someone forbids you to do what you want, or instills a feeling of guilt for the fact that you “live for yourself,” then this “someone” really wants to exploit you, it would be beneficial for him to see you as a slave or victim. In fact, you have every right to have a favorite job, a favorite half, favorite activities, a favorite home, a loved one.
2. Transform. Not everyone knows what it means to "transcend". For a common man in the street, this word causes fear and even rejection. However, trance is an important physiological need for every person. And from time to time you plunge into it as imperceptibly as you breathe, walk, perform any actions. The only problem is that in the daily hustle and bustle people deprive themselves of the necessary amount of trance states and experience unaccountable fatigue, weakness, slowing down of reactions. Lovers feel when their body begins to slow down, and do not give up the desire to take a nap, sit quietly for a few minutes, looking out the window, or simply close their eyes and turn away from what is happening with pleasant music. Thanks to small 10-15 minute recovery breaks, you will remain active throughout the day.
3. Get enough sleep. If you have not yet established a 7-9-hour sleep regimen, then arrange for yourself 1-2 days off a week. Turn off the alarm. Let your body take as much as it needs. In the future, it is highly desirable to tune your life in accordance with your natural rhythms and individual need for sleep. For those who believe that work interferes with him, I would like to remind you that you have chosen this work yourself and you yourself are responsible for everything that happens to you. There are many options with different schedules and working methods, look for what suits you best. You live to enjoy life, not to survive between sleep and work.
4. Turn off the TV. Television, like the bulk of the media, is created in order to extract as much emotion from you as possible, impose certain needs on you, show you your "true place" and, as a result, get as much money from you as possible. As for emotions, negative experiences are felt more sharply, clinging more strongly. Therefore, "caring reporters" collect all the "peak" for the audience. Gradually, the lover of "watching TV" develops an addiction, the same as, for example, alcohol. Without shocking, scary news, life seems boring to him, he lacks drive, a sense of danger. A vague, oppressive feeling becomes a natural backdrop. The desire to make sure that "the world will soon collapse" does not let go. The goal has been achieved, but the question is - whose? Do not feed on surrogates that are palmed off at you. Step out into the sun and create your own story of love, happiness and kindness.
5. Learn to refuse and say no... If you do not know how to refuse, suffer from your own politeness and desire to please everyone, then you play the role of a victim. In the eyes of others, you automatically become a "convenient tool at hand." Spend your strength, energy, time, and what do you get in return? Fatigue, suppressed feelings, lack of time for your own life. Such an attitude towards oneself impoverishes, deprives of the pleasure of life, leads not only to internal strife, but also to collapse in all spheres of life. Loving yourself means always knowing what you want. A self-loving person is able to manage his time and plans things so that his interests remain in the first place. Knows how to say "no" and does not worry about "what people will say." Moves through life freely, speaks directly, thinks quickly. They respect those who know how to say "no", love those who have their own life and their own interests.
6. Watch yourself. A person who loves himself will never allow himself to mock his own body, moreover, he will groom and cherish it. Life makes him happy, intriguing, and he wants to live happily ever after. Therefore, he will strive to keep his body in an active, healthy state. Only destroyed self-esteem, internal conflicts give rise to excesses, both in food and in other areas of life. Everything that happens to a person who despises himself will be under the word "too much." Self-love is a movement. You give your muscles work, but you do not overload them, you move, but you do not exhaust yourself.
7. Thank yourself. If you said “no” at the beginning of the article, then you are initially programmed for criticism and high demands on yourself. This item is dedicated to you personally! He is the most important and most important of all that is written above. Surely you live with the idea that you are not loved, resigned to the fact that you are often abandoned and used. You have a lot of problems, ranging from conflicts with your family and ending with low earnings and the lack of your own home. It is very difficult for us to admit the thought that we can and should be grateful to ourselves. Just! You don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to behave in the way that is expected of you. You have your own life, your principles and your desires. Right now, put your hand on your chest, close your eyes, stroke yourself and say thank you for having you, say that you love yourself and forgive. You are a unique, extraordinary person and deserve the very best. You are already done! Promise yourself that from now on you will love yourself, thank you for every pleasant little thing: for smiling more today, for feeding yourself a delicious lunch, for taking a walk in the park and for the first time doing what you want ...

More information on how to love yourself in the article - http: //site/psixologiya/kak-polyubit-sebya.html

I know why you are here and how you feel now. You are tired of dissatisfaction with yourself (externally and internally), of situations that do not change over and over again, of the fact that you have to endure and bend ... "Urgently awaken love for yourself" - this is what I would prescribe to you if I were a doctor. But what does it mean love yourself and how to do it?

I will try to explain everything clearly and step by step. I just want to ask you to prepare a pen and a notebook, because you are waiting for practices that require work on yourself. Yes, yes, it is not easy to become happy and not so easy to kindle love for yourself. Therefore, run for everything you need (you can even grab cookies with tea) and sit down as soon as possible.

The main reason for self-dislike is low self-esteem. In order to increase and strengthen it, you need to work hard on yourself every day!

How does it feel to love yourself?

Every woman needs to learn to love herself with unconditional love. What does it mean? It means that you need to love yourself for no reason ... And how to do it - you will see further.

All you have to do is accept yourself with all your merits and demerits unconditionally. I know how difficult it is to come to terms with the shortcomings: when everyone notices your burr; when the ribs protrude from under the clothes; when you limp or slouch due to injury. But what can you do here?

Therefore, it is important to start the path to yourself as a valuable person in order to experience ease with every step. And this is an ongoing process, and you must not stop!

How is unconditional love different from conditional love? The latter generates a desire to prove to everyone that you are better and capable of much. Conventions are always accompanied by selfishness, pride and narcissism. But this path does not lead to happiness.