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I'm a clown, or why I'm no longer funny. Relationships and psychology: how to respond to bad jokes? Why is everyone joking

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When someone has problems, and he only jokes and giggles in response, you just want to say instructively: “You are an adult, can’t you be more serious ?!”

Humor is a great thing, but, you see, everyone in life has situations when there is no time for laughter at all: crises, dismissal from work, health problems, conflicts. Why, at such moments, many people begin to joke and laugh with enthusiasm? What is it - denial of the problem, hidden aggression, or maybe pretense?

It is believed that laughter in many cases in itself helps to solve the problem. And this is not a joke at all!

Laughter as a Displaced Activity

Humor is a specific evolutionary acquisition of our human culture. Animals don't laugh, and they certainly don't come off as humorous when things take a critical turn. Grab, hit or run, hide or catch up - that's their whole tale.

However, even in animal life, from time to time difficult situations occur when they cannot grab, catch up, or run away (that is, satisfy their current need). The bird on the way to the water fountain meets glass wall, the fighting roosters are deadly tired of the fight, the cat, gracefully pushing off, jumps onto the table, but clings to the tablecloth with its claw and rolls head over heels back to the floor. It's time to sit down and cry (or, conversely, laugh at the absurdity of the situation). But animals don't. And what can they do?

The bird, having not received water (but getting hit on the head), begins to clean its feathers with concentration, the roosters, as if on command, stop, lower their heads and enthusiastically look for non-existent grains on the “battlefield”, and the cat flops down on a fluffy ass and begins to lick the fur with such a look, like she's been planning this since last Friday.

As in the play “Radio Day”: “We have two problems: the Ministry of Defense and a button! Can we find the button? Purely theoretically? Can! And we can't do anything with the Ministry of Defense. Conclusion: looking for a button.

Ethologists call such inadequate behavioral responses of animals "displaced activity", which occurs when the most important needs conflict or cannot be satisfied.

Displaced activity is characteristic of man to the same extent as other animals. For example, in a hopeless situation, when there is no way to put our energy into action, we start pointlessly walking from corner to corner, nibbling chocolate or seeds, tapping our fingers on the table or ... joking and laughing.

At first, ethologists believed that displaced activity was simply a substitute for an adequate response and was of no importance in itself. But later it turned out that displaced actions simply have a relatively weak motivation and therefore are inhibited by more important ones. When strong motives are inhibited, weak ones come to the fore. It turns out that we have an underlying need for humor and laughter.

What does it consist of and why is it absent in other animals?

Laughter as part of physiology

If you look at laughter with the serious eyes of a physiologist, it turns out that these are involuntary contractions of the diaphragm and facial muscles, accompanied by poorly controlled vocalization and a general emotional upsurge.

During laughter, the work of the left hemisphere is inhibited, and the right one is activated. Laughter in the most natural way "turns off" critical thinking, the ability to analyze and speech. In fact, we enter a pleasant trance state, losing touch with reality. Even an anecdote can’t be told normally if the narrator is “disassembled” by laughter.

Laughter is caused by the joint work of several areas of the brain at once. Apparently, the feeling of joy gives us an internal reinforcement system, which is located for the most part in the midbrain. This zone receives information from the cortex and reacts to it by releasing chemicals involved in the formation of positive emotions. But in order to send this information, the smarter areas of the brain must first recognize it as funny - whether it's a ticklish reaction or a joke.

American scientist Jak Panksepp believes that laughter occurs when there is an element of surprise that is recognized as harmless.

In a joke, a model of reality is formed that turns upside down at the most unexpected moment, the whole charm of tickling is that you never know where your partner in the game will tickle you. And therein lies another necessary element of laughter: it is a social phenomenon. People are much less likely to laugh alone than in company. It is impossible to tickle yourself on your own, in any case, it is unlikely to amuse you. Fun fact: the only ones who can tickle themselves are people with a split personality. Only they have the opportunity to do it unexpectedly for themselves.

The most important thing: laughter is an excellent discharge that brings the body into tone and gives pleasant emotions..

Laughter as a brake on aggression

Strictly speaking, many higher "collective" animals (for example, monkeys and dogs) have a set of behavioral reactions that is similar to our laughter. Some modern evolutionary scientists believe that we have inherited laughter and humor directly from monkeys. Their "laughter" is a phenomenon of a different order than ours. Even his physiology is different from the human one: monkeys laugh on inhalation, and people on exhalation.

However, the higher apes (and some other animals) have very similar facial expressions, accompanied by special sound signals. This so-called "game mine" is more often characteristic of young animals, which acquire and hone the necessary skills within the pack.

The "proto-laugh" of the monkeys is a social cue (called a "releaser") that communicates play behavior. By this, the individual gives a signal to the partner in the fight that the attack is “not serious”, it trains, plays, which means that it is not necessary to kill it in response. People use humor for exactly the same purpose: to make a situation safer.

For example, if a person is annoyed with a friend, but does not want to “spoil relations,” then instead of an evil remark or a completely socially unacceptable punch, he “sends” a joke to him.

Then even if the interlocutor does not understand the joke and gets angry in response, there will still be ways to retreat: “It's just a joke! Are you offended?”, which, like monkey “laughter”, will clearly signal: “this is a game, don’t hit me.”

Leonard: For God's sake, do I have to show a "Sarcasm" sign every time I open my mouth?

Sheldon: Do you have a "Sarcasm" sign?

Comedy series "The Big Bang Theory"

It turns out that evolutionarily laughter is not so much an expression of joy, but a way to slow down aggression, to make the situation safer. Is this why vulnerable human children laugh so much more often than adults?

Most importantly, laughter helps to safely express aggressive emotions and prevent retaliatory aggression.

Laughter as "anti-behavior"

As you can see, unlike simple-minded monkeys, people use humor not just to warn about the game, but to express very real aggression and go unpunished.

Freud defined humor as - "an attitude in which the individual refuses to suffer", and The "I" refuses to be upset by the encroachments of reality.. That is, according to Freud, a joke is born when the mind tries to express those thoughts that society usually suppresses or prohibits.

If you don't stop pretending to be a supermarket cashier, I'll pack my things and leave!

Do you need a package?

internet meme

Social norms require a person to be as pleasant as possible for others in order to be accepted by them. We are pack animals and survive in a team. Therefore, each problem that causes vivid emotions puts a person in a situation of some conflict between the satisfaction of his needs and a social prohibition - imaginary or real.

Everything, guys! I have to go to work. If I don't enter the data into the computer in time... no one will notice.

Chandler, comedy series "Friends"

Caught in a situation of conflict of motives, a bird cleans its feathers with its beak, a cat nervously licks itself, and we also have this option: to joke, relieve tension and translate both the problem itself and the ways to solve it into a game plane. Remove the public ban, but "jokingly", not seriously, in the "game".

"On the contrary" behavior, game violation of social norms - a part of human culture since ancient times. Archaic festive laughter rituals (European carnivals, Russian Maslenitsa and Christmastide rites), described in the studies of Yu. M. Lotman, M. M. Bakhtin, V. Ya. common feature: during such festivities, the strictest public taboos were symbolically violated under the general cheerful laughter and jubilation.

Don't hit me, don't hit me, Valera, -

Vasily lamented in the corner,

But suddenly out of the darkness came:

Hey, are you in the ring or where?

Poem-pie

On the one hand, this, apparently, made it possible to “let off steam” that had accumulated during the observance of the prohibitions. And on the other hand, it fixed social norms, showing clearly and literally how “no need”. This created a conflict of motives and everyone went into ritual laughter together. Incidentally, the culture of clowns, tricksters, and jesters, which has survived almost unchanged to our times, works exactly the same way - pop comedians, stand-up comedians, comedy television series and popular Internet memes today perform the same social function, ridiculing social media. norms.

Son, we have long wanted to tell you. You are… a radio receiver!

Noah ... .. Pshshshshshsh ...

internet meme

Most importantly, humor helps to communicate and reinforce social rules while relieving the stress of prohibition. By translating social taboos into a game plane, it is easier for a person to accept and remember them.

Laughter as a loss of self-control

Laughter also has another curious property, which was pointed out by the Russian anthropologist A. Kozintsev. Laughter is incompatible with speech, it completely suppresses it. Laughter is associated with pre-verbal, more ancient brain structures, it is controlled by the so-called limbic vocalization system (the same one that gives us the “order” to scream in pain, fear or excitement). During such involuntary cries and laughter, speech and thinking are completely “overlapped”, culturally conditioned actions stop. In a sense, a laughing person temporarily loses his human appearance (in a social sense) and becomes much closer to the beast.

If we recall the physiology of laughter, it turns out that we find ourselves doubly helpless: the ability to control the body and control over consciousness is immediately turned off. Why do we need such a strange and, at first glance, not increasing survival thing? Precisely in order to get rid of tedious control at least for a while!

Speech and controlling thinking are traits that distinguish humans from other animals. According to the hypothesis of the Russian scientist B. Porshnev, speech once developed in humans during inter- and intraspecific conflicts according to exactly the same principle of displaced activity. And then social needs- in communication, in mutual assistance - they stood on a par with biological ones. So speech became a blocking factor for many actions, especially aggressive ones.

Moreover, a person has developed the ability to have an internal dialogue, and as the crown of evolutionary changes, we have received constant self-control, which has become one of the guarantors of sustainable social relations.

This near-constant mode of self-control and internal dialogue is a source of constant internal conflict. And it provides the very contradiction of motives, which in the animal world leads to displaced activity.

Yesterday there was an incident: I spoke to myself as usual.

But suddenly he did not agree with himself, flared up and even shouted

internet meme

For example, they fired a person from work - suddenly, unfairly. Denied access to the resource and status. Natural need: to enter into competition, to defend their "trough", to return the status. Punish the offender, scold, fight or surrender, and continue to avoid such unreliable “jobs” and “bosses”.

However, this will not help solve the problem, and an attack on the boss is completely punishable. "It will only get worse!" - whispers the internal controller. What to do? Sit on the floor and cry, stop looking for a new job forever, or start joking about it, make fun of your boss, at worst - imagine him with donkey ears or an apple in some inappropriate place, remember the most indecent and ridiculous stories about him. Everything is possible in the game state - after all, this is a game, "pretend".

Still, it is not in vain that nature made sure that at the moments of the game “turning off control” and “abolishing taboos”, the directed physical activity. And you know!

Most importantly, laughter allows you to break social taboos, temporarily removing control over your mind. As a result, a person “acts out” a painful situation, “jokingly” releases negative emotions and resolves the blocking conflict.


Laughter as an engine of progress

There is another interesting point of view on laughter. Some neurophysiologists compare the processes that occur in the body during a fit of laughter with the process of preparing for death. Muscles spasm, logical thinking turns off, increased production of endorphins and painkillers starts.

Such “preparation” may have a completely logical explanation: after all, laughter creates a subjective sense of security with complete physical helplessness. Why not prepare "just in case"?

In addition, laughter is associated with the “playful” breaking of inhibitions. Violation of the taboo is fraught with social rejection, "social death", so laughter always occurs on the subjective border between dangerous and safe. Namely, on this border there are opportunities for further development.

Let's see something funny, shall we?

Look at your life!

internet meme

What is the evolutionary meaning of "ridiculing" problems?

There are situations when life turns into an unpleasant side and all the predictions and assumptions of a person about the results of his behavior turn out to be incorrect. This is very unpleasant.

What is the simplest conclusion that biological logic tells us? Never do that again, so that it would not be just as unpleasant. But in the social world, such tricks only work if there is an immediate threat to survival. In other cases, this is not practical. Well, you quarreled with a friend, what - never be friends with anyone again? Fired from work - never work? I burned myself while frying eggs - that's it, no more scrambled eggs in this house!

Such a blockage blocks the possibility of further experimentation and the search for other, more suitable options behavior.

Humor, on the other hand, by turning the situation into a playing field and temporarily “turning off” the harsh “inner critic”, makes it possible not only to “defuse” the situation, but also to look at the problem from the outside, see new response options, and, therefore, find a solution to the problem!

Most importantly, making fun of the problem is the evolutionary key to finding new responses!

In a word, joke on health, it's fun and good!

At first glance, it's fun. A patient with a neurological disorder with the German name witzelsucht is a godsend for a boring company! He laughs, sparklingly jokes, ironically, beats words with puns, and ... all this goes on endlessly.

This disorder is associated with damage to the orbitofrontal region on the right side of the brain. The orbitofrontal region is responsible for personality and behavior: injure it on the left and you will get an irritable, gloomy and depressive character. Damage to the right will give society the "soul of the company" - a person who is constantly in high spirits, cheerful and funny.

But, unfortunately, witzelsucht brings more problems than joy, especially to others. A 56-year-old man developed this disorder as a result of a stroke. In addition to the euphoria of life, witzelsucht also gave him hypersexuality. Jokes and puns of obsessive-erotic content quickly dispersed all potential sexual partners from him.

A 57-year-old woman after a brain injury decided to change her life: every day she threw parties at which she joked inappropriately about personal hygiene. Soon the guests stopped coming to her.

But we are already talking about this man. Agree, there is no particular joy from such a joyful husband (sorry for the pun) on the face of the hostess.

Among other things, witzelsucht deprives the patient of the ability to perceive someone else's humor. In comedy films, he sits stone-faced and waits for the movie to end so he can make a good joke about it.

Witzelsucht cannot be cured by means modern medicine. You can only alleviate the condition with the help of behavioral therapy or mood stabilizing drugs.

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Subtle trolling: why do men joke about women? What is the main idea and essence of jokes, how does male logic work at such moments?

I saw a post on social networks: a beautiful girl writes that she does not believe in friendship with men and will never have sex “out of friendship” with them. Then she laments that, as they say, there is no friendship with women either, and with whom, poor thing, should she be friends? Well, take it and write in the comments that, they say, you can try to be friends with your head. I joked, in general ... And I thought, why did I write this?

Why do men joke about women

I remembered the phrase that jokes are often hidden fear and hidden aggression. Such cowardly aggression. I didn't like this phrase at first. However, as I realized much later, in my case this was exactly the case. Fear, envy and malice.

Remember in " snow queen» the very beginning? About the ugly evil Troll, who made a crooked mirror, where "everything good and beautiful decreased nowhere further, and everything bad and ugly stuck out and became even more disgusting." Then the students of the Troll wanted to raise this mirror to the very sky, it fell and shattered into billions of fragments. The fragments fell into people's eyes and hearts, and now these people saw everything in a bad light, and their hearts became colder than ice ...

For as long as I can remember, I was constantly “burning” and thought it was very cool. For every word I had two, I joked almost all the time, without days off and lunch breaks. Ugaga 24/7. Especially got to my wife, whom I endlessly teased. She was in pain, she said: “Nikitushka, why are you like this, don’t ...”. I replied: “What is it? It’s funny, it’s just a joke, nothing personal… Ha ha ha.”

And it was aggression. Humiliating her, I asserted myself at her expense. So it's easier to seem higher - when you lower the other. Especially if the wife is good. Next to this, either grow yourself, or ... tease. Same with friends, family and friends. To clarify honestly and directly the relationship, to say about my feelings, about what I don’t like, I didn’t know how, I couldn’t, I was afraid.

Here is the joke. Sneaky, on sore spots. And he himself believed that it was just a "joke of humor." But in fact, he laughed at his fear and problems, took revenge on people and life in such a sophisticated way.

True, I was not joking with those who could answer or otherwise fight back. It turns out that I intuitively understood that it was dangerous here.

And the first of April is generally a black day of the calendar. A real "Day of Evil".

Have you ever seen a "good April Fool's joke"? Well, so that the person would then be pleased? For example, money was wrapped in a roll of toilet paper, a person went to the toilet, began to unwind the roll - and the bill fell out from there, and no one confessed. Here's something I've never seen before.

But once I received a message from a girl that in a community whose goal was to support each other, they decided to help my family and chip in for an inexpensive car. I didn't track that April 1st. I cried with joy and gratitude. Literally. At that time I had two sick (one had a disability) small children. And there was no car. I cried. Told his wife. And received congratulations on April 1.

Another case: a person close to me sent a message that my phone account was replenished with a large amount. Then my phone was turned off: there was no money. It also turned out to be a joke. I cried again. It was very painful.

Generally, recent years 10 I try not to joke with people. True, witticisms are still being born in my head, but I do not voice them. Sometimes it's better to be silent than to speak. In extreme cases, if unbearable, you can go to specially designated places where some people “burn”, while others enjoy it and pay money. "Comedy Club" is the same. Everything is fair, no offense.


So why did I write something about friendship to a girl? Nothing. Just a joke. Nothing personal, it's funny...

And to be honest - yes, it was aggression.

First, I envied. She has more subscribers and likes than mine, although, in my opinion, she writes all sorts of nonsense.

Secondly, I got angry. The girl in the photo is beautiful and sexy. And out of male solidarity, I was immediately offended by the entire stronger sex. Here, I think, like sex "for friendship" - no, no, we are not friends with boys. And how to give a lift to the airport, assemble a wardrobe from Ikea - so here we are friends “do not spill water”!

Thirdly, I was offended that she seemed to personally show me: you are friends with beautiful girls just for the sake of sex. And this is not so! Rather, not quite so, there is some truth in this assumption. It's not about sex, of course (I'm married and I love my wife), but I really enjoy being "friends" with beautiful, kind and rich women, and I respond to their call for help with much more joy and willingness than to the requests of those ladies who do not have beauty, kindness and money, but really need my help.

It is clear that all my thoughts have nothing to do with this particular girl, maybe she had a post about something else. And all these feelings and internal disassemblies are my projections, and in this case I did not communicate with the girl, but with my sick head.

Is there "ecological" humor? In my opinion, yes it does. This is when you joke with love, and the other person is not hurt by your jokes. Or the object of humor is myself (but in this case, you should not forget about love). And if you joke, “but you don’t have love” - this is not humor, but fragments of a crooked Troll mirror.

9 chose

Jokes are different. Some joke harmlessly, raising everyone's spirits, so to speak, without victims. Others ironically make fun of those around them, without seriously offending anyone, although an unpleasant aftertaste may remain. And still others joke extremely caustically, and the object of such humor is definitely not laughing. Let's figure it out why we choose certain types of humor, and what kind of laughter is really good for health.

Type of humor by type of person

Psychologist Maria Pugacheva explained how a person's humor reflects his state of mind.

  • Harmlessly joking usually two groups of people. One of them - self-confident people who love life and people in all manifestations. These are mobile, cheerful and optimistic people, full of energy, with a bright temperament and charisma. The second group of people is quiet, modest and shy personalities with high intelligence and a kind soul. But one thing unites them - they almost never envy, have a positive attitude towards everything around them and respect other people's problems and other people's success.
  • Those who ironically tease their interlocutor are also endowed with a good intellect, but have some small complexes of their own behind them that make them not a 100% self-confident person. Most likely, they teased him in the same way in childhood or adolescence, or maybe he knows some of his shortcomings and weak spots and understands that sooner or later someone will hurt him to the quick.
  • Unpleasant sarcasm is used by those who are very unsure of themselves and are trying with all their might to prove the opposite to the world. God forbid they strike him, so he himself strives in every way "beat" all their potential rivals with a hail of hard humor.

You just don't have a sense of humor!

From childhood, we were told this when we were offended by someone's jokes. And indeed, Maybe it's not about them, but about us? This can be verified.

Firstly, think about whether you are capable of self-irony: can you, getting into some ridiculous or difficult situation laugh at yourself? Can you tell your friends about the stupid thing you did with a laugh and not be offended when your friends laugh at your story? If self-irony is not alien to you, most likely, excessive touchiness is not your trait.

Secondly, observe people's reactions to jokes addressed to them and try to try the situation on yourself. Would you be offended? Or would they have missed it? Or joked? Such a comparative analysis will allow you to understand how often you are offended by something that does not offend others.

If you notice that you really take offense at humor too often, you should correct this trait in yourself. Practice shows: most often in the company they tease precisely those who are offended.If you don't want to be a target, stop being offended.

And if, after this study, you came to the conclusion that everything is fine with your sense of humor and you do not suffer from excessive touchiness, then it’s not about you, but about the really aggressive humor of your interlocutor.

An eye for an eye, humor for humor

If the annoying humorist is just one of your acquaintances, it is not necessary to fight them, you can just stop communicating and not waste your nerves on his jokes.

But what if such a joker is a person close to you? Well, do not part with him because of jokes, really! Is it possible to wean him from evil humor?

According to the psychologist, peaceful methods are, unfortunately, not enough here. "The only way to wean someone from mocking you sarcastically is to hit the same end in the same place. Here, alas, kindness and understanding cannot save the situation. The better and more correct you are, the more strength and power this person will feel over you But if he knows that any of his attacks will be followed by a similar attack and he himself will become a wounded object, then once again he will definitely not go on the attack, "- Maria Pugacheva is sure.

What kind of humor prolongs life?

We are used to thinking that Laughter prolongs life and generally has a positive effect on the body. I wonder if this applies to sarcasm? Remember how it was in the movie The same Munchausen: "To the one who laughs, it prolongs, and to the one who is sharp, it shortens."

According to the psychologist, if a person is sarcastic to everyone around, this cannot have any positive effect on health. " But if the sarcasm does not apply to someone specific and it does not offend loved one, and, for example, the political situation is harshly ridiculed in the company of friends, then the general energy of laughter and smiles, of course, will play its healing role",- Maria Pugacheva is sure.

So sarcasm, like humor in general, is different.

And what kind of humor is more characteristic of you? Have you ever encountered people who offended you with their jokes? What did you do in this situation?


These are smart and educated people. Their developed intellect and sense of humor are beyond doubt.
Why are they joking? To amuse others? Please yourself? What's the benefit to them?

If you set a goal and remember, then among our acquaintances there are many people who often joke. Perhaps the prankster is your teenage child or even yourself. A merry fellow with a lively mind, an intellectual and just a smart girl. His humor seems to be harmless and even intellectual.

It is noteworthy that he “breaks through” into jokes at the moment when the conversation becomes tense, a conflict is clearly brewing in communication, a confrontation of points of view. Relieving the tension that has arisen, he switches to a light tone, tells a joke, “humor”. At the same time, he smiles broadly and conciliatoryly.

Some interlocutors may be annoyed by this behavior: the conflict has not been settled, the issue has not been closed, the problem has not been resolved - what kind of jokes are there? Although some of the emotional tension in defending one's interests or demands is removed by the indicated tactics of conducting a conversation. They laughed, felt better - and you can continue the conversation or safely transfer it to another topic.

At first glance, what's wrong with that? Man has found a way to deal with problems. You look at such a positive person and you think that everything is fine in his life. Wow, what an optimist! Oh, if you only knew...

Humor adaptation

What kind of people do you think tell jokes? No, not the ones below the waist. And those with a claim to intelligence: jokes about musicians, politicians, subtle "English" humor.

These are smart and educated people. Their developed intellect and sense of humor are beyond doubt. Not everyone is capable of “smart” joking, but only people with a visual vector, emphasizes Yuri Burlan’s System-Vector Psychology.

Why are they joking? To amuse others? Please yourself? What's the benefit to them?

Food chain steps

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»