So my friend made a lot of mistakes for which she reproached herself. She constantly doubted his loyalty and devotion, although it was ridiculous. He loved her madly. It seemed like he would have died for her. So let's figure out how to behave in order to get married.

First, everything is good in moderation. Do not spend half a day applying makeup or choosing a dress. Your beauty should be natural, because early in the morning he wants to wake up with you, and not with a painted doll. Men never marry fashion models, even if they like them. Try to act natural to get married.

Secondly, during meetings, do not ask him about the details of his life, this is not filling out a questionnaire! Don't ask too much, and try to avoid direct answers to his questions. Keep some mystery. Then the man will not be able to resist and he will always want to solve you.

Third, be patient. Yes, it is the patience of the city that takes, and it will help you save a man. If he does not call, do not invent something that does not exist or speculate. Don't be afraid to call him so you don't drive yourself crazy. And yet, do not show him that you are not indifferent or in love with him, in order to get married, try to behave modestly. Yes, you like it, but you don't dry for it! It is important to choose the golden mean here.

Fourthly, do not tell him about your illnesses or problems, if he wants, he will understand where he should help, and where you need to sympathize. Let him take care of himself and show that you need it. But at the same time, be a little inaccessible. And here it is yours!

For dates, it is desirable to choose cozy and intimate places. And most importantly, do not be late for the meeting. This is tactless. Since the man is usually already in place and waiting for you. To get married, you need to behave as punctually as possible.

Sitting at the table, relax, behave at ease. And remember, smile more often, but do it sincerely, without straining your facial muscles.

Enjoy the conversation and don't think about the consequences. On first dates, be modest, but still communicate. Be moderately cute, funny, sexy and smart. Show him that you know how to see the pleasant in life, and not be a pessimist.

Let the man feel that you appreciate him and what he does for you, he must behave like a hero.

It is important to remember three words in communicating with your chosen one: sympathy, attention and observation. Men always crave approval from a woman. Show interest in everything he says, repeating “I understand you”, “this is interesting” more often.

Seem weak to your man. Let him think that he is more experienced and that he is making you the woman of his dreams!

When he first sees him, he is attracted to your appearance. For example, my man said he fell in love with my smile. On the first day, he was blown away. I just had time to say my name and smile sincerely. After that, we talked for a long time on ICQ and agreed to meet. During the date, I mostly listened, he talked about himself, occasionally asking me questions. I never answered some of them ... This date is still in his memory and we often remember him. This ended in a long romance that has been going on for 7 months. We often talk about how we imagine our life together and have common values ​​and goals. He wants to marry and have a child, but I want a boy and a girl... Although we do not live together, he considers me his wife and treats me accordingly. It seems to me that there is nothing more to dream about.

The purpose of marriage for people is different, but it has been entered into for thousands of years by representatives of different races, creeds and principles. If earlier marriage was practically indestructible and meant a deal between families, now girls are increasingly thinking on their own about how to get married successfully.

You can choose a worthy candidate for your hand and heart if you follow the prompts of psychologists, matchmakers, the experience of "experienced" ladies, your own mind, intuition and self-discipline. To successfully marry, use these tips:

Get mature

Reaching the age of majority on a passport is not equal to a mature person. If a girl feels insecure, has complexes and resentments that do not allow her to move forward, develop and be herself, you need to contact a psychologist.

The key to a happy relationship is a healthy mind. M. Labkovsky.

When a woman solves internal problems, stabilizes her psyche and gains proper self-esteem, she will become attractive to worthy people. Otherwise, disappointments await her: psychological blocks will not allow the lady to pay attention to a good guy.

Attitude towards oneself should not change due to the presence or absence of a relationship, a ring on a finger, or other external circumstances. If uncertainty takes hold of a person, he will not be able to seek a mature relationship. He will look for a tyrant, a parent, a "high school bully", a "son" or a "leftover" - anyone but a loved one.

We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious. Z. Freud.

Find your calling

Another sign of a psychologically mature person is the presence of his own business, from which he will not back down even at critical or difficult moments. If you abandon your hobbies and forget about your principles “in the name of love”, one day your partner will get fed up with your attention.

A little rest from each other, meeting with friends and time for a favorite thing, study and career are useful for a couple. Even if at the stage of dating a girl is ready to give them up for the sake of a fleeting date, then the man will not have respect. Without him, no one will call for marriage.

Men, like children, like it when a woman has character. M. Labkovsky.

Looking back at someone else's opinion is not inherent in a woman with principles and a mature psyche. She is too busy to seek approval from strangers or even close people.

Love can only be found within oneself - outside it is not found. M. Labkovsky.

Psychologically whole individuals live their own lives, look for their own path to their goals, are able to perceive someone else's experience, and extract usefulness from situations.

Fill your life with events

If a psychologically mature girl meets an interesting man, she shows interest in him, but also makes it clear that he will not become the center of her world, even if he marries her. Such a woman is easy to recognize by several principles:

• She has a lot to do. If a guy invites her on a date with less than three days' notice, she will refuse because she is busy with important work that day;
• She does not speak on the phone for more than 10 minutes.
• Always hangs up first;
• She calls back only to a business partner, in extreme cases - to her beloved "with experience";
• She calls the man first only when she is indefinitely late;
• Such a girl does not broadcast with all her behavior “I want to get married”;
• She does not feel lonely, she is interested in her life.

Live every day like it's your last and one day you won't make a mistake. Woody Allen

The main rule of a self-confident lady is not to change herself, to be herself in any situation. By the way, men love precisely for this.

Take care of yourself

Loving yourself and not getting along with your own body is a paradox. It is unnatural to look like from the cover of a glossy magazine in everyday life, but it is important to be neat, take care of hygiene, appearance and health.

If she's amazing, she won't be easy to get. Bob Marley.

Dancing, yoga, sports ... Thanks to what to keep the body in good shape - everyone chooses for herself. Even if you like curvaceous forms, it is important to maintain the flexibility and endurance of the body.

A harmonious image is more important than perfect make-up, convenience and appropriateness of the situation are more attractive. Agree, it’s silly to go on a bike ride or out of town in heels. A couple of strands that “accidentally” fell out of the hair, almost imperceptible makeup and slight carelessness in clothes will give a natural look.

Being yourself is a rule that also applies when choosing clothes, shoes, hairstyles. This adds to the attractiveness and charm.

Be positive and play

For girls who get along with themselves, the world around them is interesting, men, too, as one of its parts. No more and no less. She is not against relationships as such, but she does not chase after them, does not make them an end in itself.

Solve the problem: two girls go to a resort. One of them has three or four suitcases with evening dresses and several pairs of shoes. The other tossed a pair of sneakers, favorite jeans, shorts, three T-shirts, a sweatshirt in case of coolness, and tennis rackets into a travel bag. Which of them will return from vacation in the company of the groom?

That's right, the last girl has a better chance of it. She enjoyed the rest, behaved naturally, did not look for a “second half”, because she feels like a whole person. And she also talked in a circle where there were probably more guys, but they were interested in the traveler as partners in the game, and not as future “life partners”. The rapprochement with the man happened naturally, in an informal setting, at his suggestion, which played on his hunting instinct.

If an independent girl enters into a relationship with a man, then she does not give up her interests, hobbies, and even more so her career. She is not ashamed to be nice, but she knows how to show her freedom and self-respect in time.

A man should feel that he needs a relationship more than you. N. I. Kozlov.

Determine the goals and objectives of marriage

Get married for show under the power of each. If you want to create a strong union with a man, understand why you need a partner, what it should be. At this stage, it is important to understand:

1. What qualities must be present in a man to make him a good partner for you?

It is not worth creating a detailed image of a partner, but the general “backbone” should be kept in mind, like a landmark towards which to move.

2. What human shortcomings are you willing to put up with throughout your life?

The partner will take up half of your total area, will sometimes be there 24 hours a day. What you can put up with and what not, you need to understand before you start looking for a contender for your hand and heart.

3. What standard of living suits you?

If you are used to visiting fashionable resorts at your own expense, then your partner should be able to do this as well. No matter how bitter it may sound, but love without material equality of partners will not last long.

They get divorced because they began to marry for love. M. Labkovsky.

4. Do you have financial and moral reserves for life from scratch?

In some periods, the well-being of the family may decrease, for example, due to the illness of one of the spouses, going on maternity leave. At these moments, the second partner takes on the entire financial burden. Answer yourself: are you ready to “pull” the family on yourself, even not for a very long time, without complaining, not with all your might?

5. What responsibilities are you willing to take on in marriage?

There are happy couples where the main breadwinner is the spouse, and the husband does the housework or works in free mode. What niche do you want to occupy in marriage?

6. Do you want children? When, how much?

This is a very important issue that must be resolved at the moment when you first wanted to get married. If the partner you met does not want children in principle, and you hope to persuade him in the future, the relationship is already obviously a failure.

7. Will you be able to provide yourself and your children with a decent life without a partner if the relationship in marriage turns out to be a failure?

Sadly, people break up and die. In order not to be over the line, you need to rely on yourself. Before creating an alliance with a man, during a relationship and in marriage, an intelligent woman will increase her assets. If she does not need the funds, they will become a good legacy for future generations.

Be resourceful, or where to look for a man?

Finding a worthy partner is a task that a girl has to solve if she is thinking about marriage, but there is no man nearby. You can find a future husband:

• Among highly qualified surgeons, dentists, orthopedists;
• In the circle of bohemia: directors, screenwriters, singers, writers are meticulously looking for their muse, but life will not be boring next to them;
• At esports competitions;
• At exhibitions of computer and scientific technologies, there are many men who can communicate simply with any person and have good amounts on their account;
• By attending cooking classes or shows: Chef is a prestigious profession all over the world that is almost monopolized by men;
• Choosing a "male" hobby. It doesn't make sense to list them, but the guys like the adrenaline rush, to compete, to get the lead through the use of physical strength or intelligence.

If you do not want to enter a military school or climb Everest, there is another option: register on a dating site. The strategy of behavior on a dating site is simple: answer all adequate people, take the initiative, if you like some profile, go on real dates.

Yes, on any such resource there are a lot of simply curious, eager guys for easy sex and benefits. However, it is not difficult to find out their manner of communication, and it is even easier to send them to the block list. Do not waste time on those who:

• I registered on the site for a long time and still have not found “my destiny”;
• Who has too long a list of "pass by";
• Didn't complete their profile if they didn't register just two minutes ago;
• On profiles with fake photos, with one photo;
• Who does not respond for several days to the message, although the communication began quite tightly.

10 rules and observations of a wise bride

1. Choose someone who works, studies, knows how to be independent in opinion.
2. Don't continue relationships with people you don't like.
3. The guy must first become a good friend who can be trusted, after which you can agree to marry him.
4. Can you rely on a man in difficult situations? He will be a worthy husband.
5. If a man does not know how to lead his own life, he should not be considered as a serious partner.
6. The guy wants to fight for the girl. When he invites you to a meeting that you are also waiting for, do not answer immediately, mentally count to 5-7, and only then agree.
7. Show interest in a guy when he comes to you on a date in the mood.
8. If a man behaves aloof, looks casual, you can tell him: "Let's meet when you are really free."
9. If a guy does not know how to earn a decent standard of living for himself and handle finances, it is too early for him to start a relationship and a family.
10. A man should be able to show care and responsibility towards children. Good fathers are more likely to be those who had pets in their bachelor life.

The fact that getting married is not the most important thing in a girl's life, the girls understand, having already married and faced with the fact that this is not at all like the life of a fairy princess in a magical castle. In a good way, not all girls can be allowed to marry: I don’t want to spoil the life of either them or young people; however, fighting the fact that girls want to get married is pointless. Moreover, this goal is not bad: in the movement towards this goal, girls can both grow wiser and get acquainted with what self-control, discipline and management of their emotions are. It is possible to get married successfully by chance, but by chance becoming a good wife will not work, here you need to already be able to take care of yourself and follow the rules. So, if, in an effort to get married, a girl teaches herself to follow the rules, teaches herself to subordinate her desires and impulses to what is "needed", she will learn one of the most important life lessons. And that's already great.

My daughters read the book "The Rules. How to Marry the Man of Your Dreams" by Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider, it seemed practical to them, and for me it turned out to be a good reason for me to write an article about it and even include interesting things in the curriculum of the University of Practical Psychology task associated with this book. I used the materials of my daughters, supplementing my observations on how prudent girls act. A lot of these recommendations seem controversial to me, but I know that many girls use these tips with success. So, other girls have the right to know about it. And by the way, let the men be warned about this.

So, lovely girls and charming women, you are the rules!

In any business there are rules, there are rules for building relationships with men, and you should know them so as not to make unnecessary mistakes. If you behave correctly, the man calls you and invites you. If a girl tells herself and others that he is “just afraid of commitment” or “not ready for a relationship,” there are two options: either the girl is not attractive at all, or, most likely, she is misbehaving with him. If you want to get married, how to behave correctly?

First, you are always happy. Once you can be nice to a young man, sometimes cool, but this does not negate the main thing: your inner "Good", inner well-being. You always have cheerful eyes and a sunny smile. You never complain, you never get upset (can you handle it? It's necessary), you don't speak ill of anyone. You always behave politely, like an English queen surrounded by lovely subjects.

Second, you take care of your appearance and look great. It is clear that you do not have any bad habits (is it already so?), this is incompatible with your task. You eat right, you do sports and dances that are useful for you, you have an elegant figure, you are always dressed feminine, neat, bright and tasteful. You know the details of this science better than we do. We are about relationships. So here it is

The third and main thing is that you treat men well, but you do not aspire to get married, you are not in love with anyone and are not very interested in relationships. Every detail is important here.

First, you treat men well. You have a positive outlook on life, you like to live, you treat people well and men in particular. You do not like to complain, you are not offended by anyone, you do not plan to take revenge on anyone, men are not goats and bastards, no one betrayed you - and so on, everything is fine with you. Deal?

Second, you don't want to get married. In any conversation with a man, never say "I want to get married." For men, this wording sounds completely different from how it is heard by girls, it sounds for them the same way as for girls it would sound from a man "I want a woman." Men hear "I want to get married" as "I want to be on the neck of a man so that he can support me and take care of me." Another thing is if you once say: "Of course, you always want to have a close person nearby, who you can take care of, with whom you can build a happy relationship!" - The content is the same, but it sounds attractive.

Third and most importantly, you are not against relationships with men, but men need this more, not you. An excellent strategy is "ice and fire", when you easily move into a warm and close relationship, but you nip any man's claims on you (such as "Now you are my property"). If you like a man, why not be warm and frank with him, why not take his palm in your palm or put your hands on his chest, convincing him of some trifle? This promises a man a future of warmth and joy, but if today he came unshaven or he looks bored, run thoughtfully the back of your fingers over his stubble and say seriously: “You are not in a good mood today. Let's meet another time when you are up to me!" You do not depend on his decisions, you have a life that suits you perfectly, and you can easily "click a man in the nose" if he suddenly showed disrespect to you even in the smallest detail. This is one of the most important moments of your tactics: to behave in such a way that the man is more interested in the relationship than you are.

Why is it so important? Men are not like women, they are hunters by nature. Real men do not need easy prey, they need to achieve and conquer. Women who call men, ask them out on dates, “accidentally” buy two tickets to a show or offer to have sex on the first date, deprive men of ambition and hunting instinct. Men are born to be hunters, they need to chase prey - otherwise their interest fades.

As Bob Marley wrote, "If she's amazing, she won't be easy to get. And if she's affordable, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, don't give up. And if you give up, you're not worthy. In fact, anyone will hurt you." You just have to find someone who is worth your suffering."

Therefore, your task is to make the man feel every minute that he needs your relationship more than you. You know the signs: the one who speaks first and the last to say goodbye is more interested in relationships, who speaks more than a partner, who has a more interested face, who suffers from a breakup, who can put aside all other affairs for the sake of relationships and forgive disrespect for himself ... So , you should behave differently.

If you are not yet very experienced on the love front, keep yourself more restrained: do not throw interested glances at men, look and smile "to nowhere", look relaxed and free. Over time, as you begin to understand men better, you can allow yourself to take more risks, be the first to take the initiative - but for now, just be friendly. Why, if a man and a woman made eye contact, not smile and say: "Good afternoon!"? This is normal, as is the delay in looking at a man who suddenly interested you. A confident woman can linger on the man she likes and wait until his eyes meet yours. Keep looking into them for about three seconds, and then smile and look away, very slowly, but not embarrassed. Nothing more needs to be done. Don't look at the man anymore. Your appearance attracts everyone, and your look attracts the elite.

On the first date, a woman's gaze should be riveted to a man, only coquetry and a riddle should be read in it. This, like self-confidence, does not come immediately, and the look can easily be (yet!) replaced by your sweet courtesy: in a cafe, discuss the interior, look at your food, consider the restaurant visitors. Show interest in life, other people, pictures on the walls, but do not show a special interest in a man: he should be interested in you, not you in him. If he does not do this, this man is simply not yours.

When a man invites you somewhere, mentally count to five and only then agree. This will make him nervous, and that's a good thing!

On the other hand, when a man invites you to take a walk and eat ice cream, go to a bar or go to a football game, and you would like to have a romantic dinner, don’t be mean, agree. Remember: you are hard to win, but you are easy to live with! It will be possible to go to an expensive restaurant another time.

You do not talk to a man first and do not invite him to dance - let him take the initiative. You do not allow yourself phrases like "let's have coffee" and "do you often come here?" Leave these wonderful phrases to your young man! When a man tries to date you, don't say, "I'll be right in your area!" and do not offer restaurants that are between your and his addresses, unless the man himself asks. Let the man work himself to find a place that will be convenient for you. He will be proud of his success - do not deprive him of this joy!

No matter how much you like a man, you don’t look for reasons to meet and don’t rush to develop relationships: it’s easy to start a relationship, it’s just that nothing serious comes out of such relationships. Do not call a man when you are bored and want attention. A man may start to entertain you, but after that he will never marry you. If you really think about your (and your) future, you behave with restraint: you do not offer to discuss at dinner what can be discussed on the phone. You don't call first. You do not call back, even when he called, and you did not have time to pick up the phone. It's okay to call back if your plans have changed, you won't be able to come, or you'll be very late. But never call a man just to chat!

But what if a man left you a message on a Tuesday night and you're dying to spend Saturday night with him? Do I need to call back on Tuesday? NO! It will become quite clear to the man that you are calling to arrange a date on Saturday. It is better if he calls you back on Wednesday evening (this is the deadline) and offers to meet on Saturday. And if he doesn’t call back on Wednesday, then let him suffer without you on Saturday. You will suffer too, but it is worth the right future prospects.

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Another rule of yours is that you always hang up first. You are the first to say goodbye while talking on the phone and press the "End Call" button - simply because men are nice, but this is not the most important thing in your life.

You're busy. You are very busy! "I have a million things to do!" - your favorite phrase. And it is true! Serious men don't marry fools, so you really need to have a to-do list for every day. Start writing your deeds for yourself, just think about the main thing: you must become worthy of the most worthy man. In addition to work, look for good trainings: they will teach you to think there (men appreciate this), plus it’s easy to get to know each other there. Indeed, it’s stupid to surf the Internet, but it’s important to be where promising men are.

Imagine: everything worked out for you, you got married. What will happen next in your relationship if a man suddenly discovers that you are not busy at all and just hung noodles on his ears? This is a very undesirable option. If you start saying that you are busy, really start arranging your life so that you have a lot of important and smart things to do. Start writing your tasks for the day and follow this plan.

You are busy, so when a man calls you, do not talk to him for more than 10 minutes. You are busy, so you should end your conversations, like dates - first. Yes, sometimes with regret, because you were pleased next to him, but ... "I'm sorry, I have to go already!". By ending the conversation first, you make the man want a new conversation. Here are some more good phrases to end the conversation: "I have a million things to do", "It was a pleasure to chat with you", "I'm a little busy now", "My mobile is ringing, I need to run!", just let them sound in your performance politely! If you're having a hard time taking care of yourself, set a timer on your mobile phone and when it rings, you'll honestly say, "I really need to go!" The timer rings - you say goodbye. And remain mysterious and desirable.

You are busy, so you need to make an appointment with you three days in advance. Three days - remember! If a man calls later than Wednesday, do not agree to a Saturday date: you are busy! If he calls on Thursday and casually asks, "Honey, what are you doing on Saturday night?", you can politely refuse him. In your sweetest voice, say, "Oh, I'm sorry, but I already have plans." A couple of times a man will get a bummer, after that he will begin to treat meetings with you more carefully. Ideally, a man should ask you out at the end of the last date. If he wants to meet you on Saturday, he should call on Monday or Tuesday.

You need to follow the format from the very beginning of your relationship. If a man dates you at the last minute, then he will be just as inattentive in family life. Accustom him to the desired format of relations, this will be the key to a warm relationship in the future, and this is necessary for both you and him.

If you quickly become attached, these rules can be difficult to follow. Therefore - restrain yourself, do not rush to become attached. Only when you are ready to part with a man, he will understand that he must be with you. Men propose when they realize that they can lose the one they love.

The development of your relationship should be like a slow dance, where the leader is a man. At least he should think so. He should be the first to say: "I love you. I miss you. I told my parents so much about you. They really want to get to know you." A man should be an open book, you are a mystery. When he wants to solve you seriously and makes you an offer, do not resist: invite him to discuss the "Fundamentals of the Family Contract" questionnaire and honestly discuss with your loved one everything that awaits you in the family. Probably, these will be wonderful discussions, after which, perhaps, you will have an even more life together.

And now - explanations and comments to the comments.

First. As the comments showed, girls do not understand the difference between "love", "relationship" and "married". This article is not about how to create a warm and reliable relationship, and certainly not about how to live with love. This article is for those girls who want to get married. If you follow these rules, you will get married faster than your girlfriends, but no one will tell you whether there will be warm relationships and love in your family. Warm or bright relationships are created differently. Love - which is capitalized - is born especially in other conditions. About this - another article, namely "How to marry happily". However, one does not exclude the other, and if you try and learn, you will have everything. But you need to learn, and not just wait and hope.

Second. Once again, "relationships" and "get married" are two different things. Warm and sincere relationships are created by warmth, openness and sincerity, but they do not at all guarantee that you will get married with this approach. And sometimes you have to choose. Many men are drawn to close and warm relationships, but are afraid of family. They will go into a relationship with pleasure, but they will not call you for marriage. If that suits you, great! If it is more important for you to get married, then you need to build your tactics in a different way: as it is written in the article.

Third. The rules described in the article do not at all guarantee that a man of interest to you will make you an offer. She guarantees something else: you will not waste time on those men who will kiss with pleasure, and they will not make you a serious offer. Is the difference clear?

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​The fourth. If you successfully marry on the basis of the rules of this article, no one promises you a wonderful family that will take place by itself. No, this is a separate science, the "Basics of the Family Contract" questionnaire will really help you, but it does not guarantee anything either. A worthy family is created only by worthy and educated people, and you will see for yourself how much you and your chosen one managed to do.

Well, the fifth. I like these rules most of all because they are difficult for girls and require self-control and self-organization from them. If a girl manages to become stronger than her feelings and begins to behave reasonably in order to get married, she thereby already creates the basis for later behaving reasonably in the family. This is a great study. In any case, remember: no matter what recommendations you give, the smart ones get smarter from them, and the stupid ones make even more mistakes.

Good luck to you!

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn't be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.