I believe, dear readers, you do not need to explain how important it is to be able to communicate with people - to communicate competently, for the benefit of yourself, and not just messily exchange information with them, without any specific purpose. Communication must be learned from an early age in order to master this art to perfection. Then a person's life will become much easier and more interesting. Over the years of work as a psychologist, I have become convinced many times that many problems that people cannot solve on their own stem from their inability to find a common language with other people. Our language with you, it is not only our enemy, as the proverb says, our language, dear friends - it is, first of all, our ally, it is our weapon in the world of people, and a tool that must be able to use effectively. We will analyze this skill within the framework of this article, after reading which, I am sure, you can significantly increase the productivity of your communication, and therefore transform your life.

Be patient, do not rush, read the article thoughtfully, because I am inherent in me detailed analysis in all, I will try to chew you all the main aspects of successful communication, having mastered which, you will understand the essence of the general meaning of competent communication, which is good. So, speaking about communicating with people, this concept should be somewhat concretized, that is, people who, as you know rightly without me, are all different, and the situations in which you can communicate with them can also be different, and therefore the conversation should will be built differently in each case. Therefore, I suggest that you identify the main group of people, which we usually call the majority, and in relation to this group use all the subsequent communication techniques that I will tell you about.

Of course, we cannot consider each person individually, because psychology divides people into groups for their better study, but still, no matter how many of these groups there are, the main group is people who grew up in a certain environment, with certain views on life, with a certain education, mentality and some others distinctive features... Our interlocutor in this case is a person with a secondary education, as a rule, with brains that have been washed out by television and other mass media, with a somewhat suppressed psyche, most often a materialist to a greater extent, a person with an irrational type of thinking, well and with a number of other qualities, the enumeration of which does not make much sense. That is, this is a person, more or less adequate from a general point of view, with whom you can communicate, whom you can meet every day in different places, but not with outstanding mental abilities.

So our interlocutor is a person whom you and I can refer to the majority of people, and not to exceptional individuals, according to our special perception. It is very important, friends, to determine with whom we will communicate, because it is impossible to communicate with everyone in the same way, in some cases communication is not required at all, because there are people who understand other languages. Having decided on the interlocutor in the mass concept, let's take a look at what such an interlocutor expects from communicating with us, because from our point of view we can plan any conversation plan, but we can get a positive response only if we find a response inside the person with whom we communicate. Whether our interlocutor needs our attention, it is obvious that yes, pay attention to how often you pay attention to the people with whom you communicate, whether you notice their reaction, whether you pay attention to their mood, whether you evaluate them as a physical object, standing in front of you, but as a person with his inner world?

If not, then you will not hear even half of what they will answer or say themselves, and given the fact that the majority we have defined has a suppressed psyche, not seeing insight on your part, they will rest against a wall of misunderstanding and not wanting to understand them, and therefore build their own in response. Such a dialogue will be similar to the communication of two televisions, rather than two people trying to understand each other. Now let's take a look with you at what your average interlocutor does not need and what many people so often throw out of themselves in any conversation - he does not need your problems. Yes, friends, for the most part we wanted to spit on each other's problems, we strive to solve our own problems, and that often unsuccessfully, doing it both on our own and resorting to the help of other people, throwing a bunch of unsolved problems on them in a conversation, which In fact, nobody wants to decide for us.

Actually, this is what distinguishes psychologists from non-psychologists, we don’t give a damn about those people with whom we communicate, who turn to us for help. And quite often we have to get so strongly into someone else's life and into other people's problems in this life, with which a person turned to us, that then we have absolutely no strength left to just feel ourselves. That's why. By the way, psychologists themselves often need the help of their colleagues, because they are completely overwhelmed by other people's problems. I am not suggesting that you think about the problems of all the people with whom you communicate, do it only in relation to those who are really interesting to you. In relation to the rest, it is enough just to pretend that they are interesting to you with their problems, that you are sincerely worried about them and that you have a desire to help them, just do not be fake, otherwise you will cause suspicion and irritation. You should keep your problems to yourself, do not dump them like a heap of garbage on the first person you meet, if you yourself cannot cope with them, contact a psychologist, our job is to solve other people's problems, we often go through the life of other people, so that the best way help a person.

But outsiders don't need it, they don't need your problems, they don't even care how you are doing, they are not interested in your health and tragedies in your personal life, they are not interested in you at all. Even if your relative has died, and your work colleague has a slight promotion, it will be more interesting for him to discuss his own promotion, and not console you in your grief. So remember, even if people pretend that they are interested in you, in the vast majority of cases they are not, is it worth sharing your personal life with them at all? In fact, it is, but only in order to gain their trust, and your personal life in communication should be discussed in proportions of ten percent to ninety, or a maximum of twenty percent to eighty, I guess you can guess in whose direction the advantage is. Yes, friends, ninety percent of your communication with other people is a discussion of their life, their problems, their successes, in general, everything that concerns themselves, and the rest is about you, so as not to seem suspicious, you are not a typical interlocutor in this case.

Speaking of suspicion, if they are interested in you, if the interlocutor is interested in you, if he is mostly silent and only asks questions, that is, he is interested in you and your problems, this is very, very suspicious. It is quite possible that this is a manipulator or someone who, for his own selfish purposes, is trying to get into your trust. You see what conclusion we have with regard to people who communicate correctly, what I teach you, I recommend you to beware of the same, because a person with his inherent egoism and manner of communication will simply not communicate in a manner that is atypical for most. Well, in the meantime, we will consider another point of competent communication with people, which consists in listening to what they tell you. The bottom line here is that the words that you hear from your interlocutor are not so important as what is hidden behind them, but behind them is some kind of human desire, they want something from you, they expect something, you need to understand what.

Any communication implies that the interlocutors need each other for something. Even the so-called conversation "about nothing" still has ulterior motives, only people do not always realize this, which is why they often do not see the point in this or that communication, and do not pursue any goals, but at the same time they still communicate. Just think about what a person may want from you, telling you certain things, thanks to this you will actually hear him, and therefore you will be able to respond in the way you need to his urge, giving him what he wants, refusing, or instilling in his hope that he will get his own, in short, a person must be correctly understood. If the speed of your thinking allows you, then you can play the situation with yourself, estimating what you yourself would like from the interlocutor, telling him what he is telling you. After all, we are talking about an average person, and to a certain extent, we all fit into this average statistics, therefore, our behavior, desires and ways of realizing them, manifested in communication, are more similar.

Hearing a person, understanding what he wants from you, the question arises of what to answer to such a person, so that he does not take you into hostility, unless of course you have such a goal. First of all, people expect self-respect from you, but it is impossible if in your speech you directly or indirectly question them. mental capacity... On the contrary, whatever the situation, if you want to endear the interlocutor to yourself in the best possible way, pretend that you are delighted with him, let him or her understand that you find them to be a very interesting and intelligent person. To emphasize this especially vividly, it is necessary to ask people questions that clarify their situation, clarify what they are telling you, but do not overdo it, otherwise cause the interlocutor's nervousness, seeming to him as dull and just a brake. And so friends, you and I have found out such moments in relation to the average interlocutor, using which we can build our dialogue in such a way as to get the maximum benefit out of it.

We should pay maximum attention to our interlocutor, we should not overload him with our problems, but on the contrary, as far as possible, delve into his problems and pretend that they really bother us. Do not burden people, listen to them, let them tell you everything, and in order not to seem suspiciously attentive and sensual, occasionally talk about yourself and your life, do not seem closed. In addition, you now know that for most people your opinion of them, your respect on your part and your interest in them are extremely important, which is not so difficult in fact to emphasize, you just need to remember this and want it. And it is also very, very important to see what people hide behind their words, emotions in communication, gestures and other urges, in which their true desires and specific goals are hidden, covered with the words that they tell you.

Words are not so important, what matters is the meaning that people put into them and what they want to convey to you with their help, in order to get a certain reaction or specific actions from you. Since the topic of communicating with people is much deeper, and we have not analyzed all the points in this article that deserve attention and detailed study, in the future I will definitely return to it. I am deeply convinced that being able to communicate competently and fruitfully with people around you is one of the most important skills in this life.

Hello dear readers! The ability to speak beautifully is useful to every person. One way or another, but we collide with other people and we have to interact. It is within your power to make this interaction enjoyable and rewarding. Today I want to talk about how to learn to talk with people, what additional skills will help you in communication and what simple rules it is worth sticking to any communication, be it business or friendly.

Recipe for success

Look at the people who are in the spotlight. Try to independently analyze the behavior of the person who is the soul of the company. Why is it pleasant to communicate with him, how he behaves, what and how he speaks. Surely you will notice that such a person communicates freely and is not shy.

Let's find out what other traits are inherent in such people.

Courtesy and respect. In my humble opinion, these things are the pillars of communication. When you enter into a dialogue with a person, you should always remember about the basic rules of politeness. If you remember that everyone deserves respect, then you will not have serious problems.

It is pleasant to communicate with someone who is not rude and not daring. Agree, no one likes habals. Therefore, try not to switch to "you" until the interlocutor proposes himself or ask if he is against it.

Be sure to read the rules of etiquette: who should be the first to shake hands when meeting or greeting, who is the first to walk through the door, how to say goodbye to an unfamiliar person. All these questions are very important for competent interaction with people.

Openness and kindness. Two aspects that undeniably attract to themselves. An open and friendly person will always receive smiles in return. Of course, if this is not a mask and not an act of kindness. Overly friendly and welcoming people scare away.

Always keep social distance in mind. Do not touch a person once again for no reason. Not everyone is good at tactile contact.

Use more positive words when you speak. Use denials and negative statements less often. It is more pleasant for people to hear approving and affirmative proposals. Try to use open poses and gestures. This will show that you are not lying or hostile towards the other person.

Smile and friendliness. In addition to being open and kind, try to smile more often. It attracts people. But you should not do this feignedly, when only the lips are involved, and the eyes remain lifeless. It looks even worse than no smile at all.

Try to call the other person by name more often. We all love to hear our name on someone else's lips. Ask questions, but not too personal and provocative, if you do not want to put the person in an uncomfortable position.

There are never too many books

Books are useful not only from the point of view of "have a nice evening", but also the development of imagination, increase in vocabulary and much more.

Reading the classics of world literature, you will be able to correctly and beautifully compose phrases. Your speech will be filled with metaphors, beautiful phrases, you will expand your vocabulary of synonyms and antonyms. Remember Ellochka the cannibal. Today's speech by many comrades reminds me of this particular character.

Cultural development will never be superfluous. Except, of course, the case if you live in a remote village and cut down a forest. And even in such a situation, it will not work to speak with pretexts alone.

Speaking correctly helps not only to attract the attention of other people, but also to correctly express your thoughts. Sometimes you listen to a person and do not understand what he is talking about. The words seem to be all understandable, but completely unrelated to each other.

By reading books, you become participants in different situations. And this, in turn, helps to keep the conversation going on any topic. Of course, if you do not know how the lathe works, then you are unlikely to be able to maintain such a conversation. But you can always give an example of the wrong use of such a machine.

Remember the old anecdote when a student learned his ticket only about fleas, but he came across an elephant. So he was not at a loss and began to answer like this: an elephant is a mammal, and if he had fleas, then ...

What is worth giving up

Do you know how your speech sounds? I'm sure not. But this is easily solved. Ask your friend, wife, mother to talk to you to record on the voice recorder. You can tell funny stories, share childhood memories, even just describe your day in detail.

I often hear the question - how to learn to speak without an accent. When learning foreign languages, the most important part is practice. And the best practice will be with a native speaker.

You will hear a foreign speech as it should be, and you will memorize, practice, and over time you will speak English like your native Russian. But some people believe that accent gives charm to speech. Decide for yourself.

If you speak too softly, then you may simply not even be heard. Of course, you should not yell in the ear of the interlocutor, but a whisper is not always appropriate. My client's boss almost always speaks in two modes: nothing is heard and the eardrums burst. Avoid these kinds of problems. A vocal teacher will help you put your voice.

Useful skills

We use speech in different situations. Sometimes you have to be tough and the voice must be appropriate for the situation. When all is well, we are relaxed and calm. And our speech is measured and melodious.

Sometimes you have to quickly explain something to a person, and if your speech is crumpled and incomprehensible, then you may not convey important information.

Learn tongue twisters. They help with diction. All TV presenters definitely know a dozen tongue twisters in order to train their speech. After all, she is trained, like any other skill. Don't you think that Ivan Urgant was immediately born such a talker?

Pay your attention to the book “ How to communicate effectively with people"Dale Carnegie. You will surely find a lot of useful tips in it.

Where is your speech problem? Do you often have to perform in front of an audience? Do you study foreign languages?

Patience and good luck. You will definitely succeed!

Human life is impossible without communication. However, not all people know how to use speech correctly and fully. Sometimes not only direct contact is very difficult, but also significant discomfort is caused by talking on the phone or skype. The reasons may be psychological problems or simply an inability to express thoughts or maintain a conversation. If the first is difficult to fix, and sometimes impossible without the help of an experienced psychologist, then many books have been written about how to learn to speak competently, various trainings and special exercises have been invented.

How to learn to speak competently and beautifully?

In order to independently learn to express your thoughts beautifully and smoothly in Russian, you need to train hard until the correct speech becomes a habit. This should be stimulated by the conviction that speech is a powerful weapon of the speaker. Sometimes it can become a means of manipulation, influence on the interlocutor.

Read and retell

The more you read, the easier it is for you to talk. This is an undeniable rule that must be followed, if you want to gain the ability to easily talk on any topic. The minimum time you need to set aside for reading is 20 minutes a day. In this case, the emphasis should be placed on Russian classical literature. Of course, speech turns of two centuries ago will not come in handy, but to show off some quotes from the classics is sometimes quite appropriate. It is also a great opportunity to diversify and enrich your vocabulary.

Retelling what you read will help you quickly learn to express your thoughts correctly. You can reproduce not classic works, but, for example, share news from magazines or information gleaned from articles with households. The key to enterprise success lies in the ability to criticize yourself, spot mistakes and correct them.

Useful word games

If you are thinking about how to learn how to talk with people, then funny and interesting games will help you, the meaning of which is to compose phrases, stories, and the choice of words. One such exercise is called Delirium. Your task is to describe or talk about some simple household item for about 10-15 minutes. For example, try to quickly build the most coherent story about a chair or teapot without pauses. It may seem difficult, but it will allow you to develop speech from the content side so that the communication process is easy and relaxed.

Imitation

Mimicking TV announcers and presenters is a very important exercise for development. correct speech... In this case, one should not only try to repeat intonation, but also pay attention to gestures. The perception of a person by a person during communication largely depends not only on words, but also on behavior. Can you imagine an announcer tapping his fingers on the table or fiddling with a button on his jacket while reading the news? You shouldn't do that either.

At the same time, it is very important to watch programs about politics, art and even humorous ones. The presence of awkward pauses spoils the impression of a conversation with a person, so you need to learn how to fill them with meaningful, interesting messages.

In addition, by using mimicry, you need to learn to:

How to overcome psychological problems in communication?

Sometimes communication with people can be complicated by psychological problems. In this case, it is too early to start training, although it will be useful, it will not lead to the expected quick results.

In childhood, any person experiences different situations that are imprinted in memory and affect the formation of personality. Some of them can be intimidating. If one of these cases occurred during communication, then this can become a serious problem in the future.

At the same time, introverts should be singled out in a special group, who simply do not need interlocutors and deliberately choose loneliness.

The psychology of communication with people is very complex and depends on many external circumstances and the characters of the interlocutors. However, it is not difficult to see that a person has a psychological problem:

1. voice trembles;
2. the tone of the voice changes;
3. there is a rapid heartbeat;
4. the conversation is accompanied by fussy hand movements;
5. the complexion changes (turns pale or reddens).

Do not think that such problems are experienced only by quiet, shy individuals. In fact, when meeting arrogant people who communicate aggressively, interrupting the interlocutor, we can most likely assume that they have certain difficulties in communication. Most likely, this style of conversation helps them overcome problems, but also requires correction.

When you notice that you want to communicate with people, but it is very difficult to do this, you need to stop and realize the problem. Most likely, you will have to work long and hard to overcome shyness, fear, learn to get rid of deep feelings, let go of past problems and live in the present.

A psychologist or psychotherapist can greatly facilitate your path to easy communication, beautiful and competent speech. You will be asked to make contact plans for the day (for example, to meet a new person), improve the skill of mediated dialogue (by phone), etc. As a result, you will be able to communicate easily and be an interesting interlocutor.

Despite the fact that most of us like to boast of inner freedom and relaxedness, many people around the world continue to suffer from excessive shyness, unsociability and notoriousness. Of course, this hinders them not only in terms of their careers, but also in their personal life.

With people? Do you think it is difficult and you will not be able to cope? You are wrong! If you know a few fairly simple rules, then you can easily establish contact with any interlocutor.

So, the topic of our today's conversation is "Communicate with people without problems."

Rule one. The main thing

If you are determined to learn how to communicate with people, remember the most important rule: "People will treat you the way you treat them." Those. by and large it is the mirror principle. Therefore, it is important not to forget that if relationships with this or that person are important to you, try to always speak kindly and slowly.

Smile

Join the conversation

How to learn to communicate with people if it is unusual and inconvenient to even start expressing your own judgments? According to psychologists, if you are in an unfamiliar company, try for a while and do not enter into a dialogue at all, at least until you finally determine the topic of conversation. Just sit and listen. And don't worry, no one will regard your silence as a sign of unfriendliness. Quite the opposite, in companies they love and value the audience very much. You know, there are always many more people who want to talk and express their point of view than those who are ready to listen to the end, only from time to time asking clarifying questions.

Facial expressions and gestures

Are you surprised? Yes Yes! Your body language and facial expressions are just as important as anything else. If you try to hide it, the person may think that your behavior is somehow unnatural, you are hiding something and most likely you are deceiving. However, remember that excessive gesticulation is a sign of nervousness. And this, you see, few people will like. Tell you a secret? If you really want to know how to learn how to communicate with people, remember: leisurely, narrow and soft gestures, and especially open palms, is one of the ways to please others. In addition, psychologists advise using the so-called "mirroring" method, which consists in trying to copy the pace of speech and gestures of your interlocutor. The better you do it, the more likely it is that you will be seen as a close-minded, almost dear person.

Sight

The eyes are, of course, another important point. And this is not surprising at all. After all, it is with the help of views that, according to scientists, we receive up to 90% of all the necessary information.

In this article, I tried to tell in as much detail as possible about how to learn how to communicate with and giving each other pleasure from this conversation. But believe me, the most important thing is not demeanor or speech. You yourself should be an interesting conversationalist. If you want to gain popularity, communicate more and have a huge number of friends, try to captivate the person, maintain a conversation, let your eyes shine, your lips do not leave, and life is in full swing. And then, believe me, you do not have to look for communication, it will find you by itself.

Human communication skills are very great importance... How you talk or correspond with your interlocutors can affect many areas in your life. Becoming a pleasant and tactful interlocutor, and having mastered some rules of etiquette, you will be able to win over many people to yourself, which can bring you positive results in the future.

What is the role of the ability to communicate correctly in society?

The ability to establish contact is an important quality, and no one possesses it from birth. This skill needs to be developed, and if it has not been laid down for you since childhood, this does not mean at all that you cannot acquire it now. People who have learned to communicate correctly in society are undoubtedly more successful not only in their careers, but also in their personal lives. Often, according to our manner of speaking, the interlocutors make up a first impression of us, and we can achieve that it was only positive.

Subtleties of communication

Note that communication can include verbal and non-verbal elements. That is, entering into a dialogue with other people, you do not just utter a set of phrases, and not only are the attention of the interlocutors focused on them. In addition to the correctness of speech, it is important to monitor the shades of intonation, facial expressions, gestures, and gaze.

Surely, you had to observe how a person seems to say reasonable things, but something pushes him away. It can be just a running glance, sharp movements of the hands, or as if "frozen" posture, monotonous phrases and the like. All of these factors are just as important as the content of your phrases.

How to stop being afraid of public speaking

As you know, some people are afraid to speak in front of the public, and this fear can remain throughout their lives. However, many people feel psychological stress not only when speaking in front of a large audience, but also simply, if necessary, to contact a stranger. It can reach discomfort even when communicating with a seller, cashier, etc.

Fear of communicating with strangers

The first step is to determine where this fear came from. There may be several reasons.

Shyness

Usually this trait comes from deep childhood, and depends on the temperament of the child. Some children behave openly, and sometimes obtrusively, while others are embarrassed to start a dialogue with adults or peers. If parents do not instill communication skills, and let everything go by itself, then in the end this trait spills over into adulthood.

Low self-esteem

You are so insecure that you think that if you start a conversation with a stranger, you will look stupid. Perhaps you think that you have nothing to talk about, you are unhappy with your voice, unsure of your ability to clearly express your thoughts, and the like. Low self-esteem can be hidden in a lot of small things, leading to general self-doubt.

Complexes regarding appearance

This sub-clause can be linked to the previous one, but the difference is that it speaks exclusively about appearance. It may seem to you that if you start talking, others will pay attention to some flaw in your appearance, which would hide from them, if you did not attract attention to yourself.

Ways to Deal with Fear

Recognizing the problem

After realizing what your problem is, which has triggered your fear of communication, it is important to try to solve it. If the reason lies in some kind of defects in appearance, then find a way to fix them. It is also important to understand that your complex may be far-fetched. Surely, among the famous people there are those who have a similar "flaw" - look how they behave in public and how many fans they have!

If it's not about looks or just her, but low self-esteem in general, then you probably need to raise her. You can make an appointment with a psychologist, but if you are afraid of communicating with strangers, then, probably, such a step will cause you stress. That is why you should search the Web for motivating videos with consultations from psychologists, which are absolutely free.

Appearance

A lot depends on how you look when communicating with people. You've probably noticed that if you are unsure of your appearance, then communication is even more difficult for you - you just do not want to focus on yourself. Such moments must be avoided. We are talking about the elementary - clothes, accessories, shoes. Choose your wardrobe carefully so that you don't have any doubts about it. Don't forget not only stylish and comfortable clothes, but also skin, teeth, hair and nails care. Taking good care of all of the above can help build your confidence.

Communication

If you want to overcome your fear, then you need to face the problem face to face. Only by starting to connect with other people will you learn to deal with your psychological barriers. Start small with phone calls. Hone your communication skills with loved ones. You are unlikely to be afraid of talking with relatives or friends - communicate with them more often. As an experiment, to clarify any question, call an old acquaintance who for some period fell out of your sight. Subsequently, you can call one of the city's gyms, for example, after asking the administrator what the cost of a subscription in their institution is and until which hour the gym is open. You can also call a beauty salon or a yoga studio with clarifying questions. It is not necessary to use these services afterwards - you just consult, as many other people do.

Having a little familiar with telephone conversations, try to strike up a dialogue "live". If you are afraid to look stupid when addressing strangers, then choose a communication method where you mostly have to listen. You can go to the nearest post office and ask what is the best way to send a parcel to another country (for example, to Canada in the city of Toronto), and how long it will take to go there. Improvise and gradually you will forget about your fears.

I don’t know what to talk to people about, how to start a dialogue first

It is important to understand that if you start the conversation first, then nothing terrible or unnatural will happen. Would it be that if another person starts a conversation with you, you think something bad about him? Most likely no. Likewise, other people will not see anything incredible if you refer to them, so do not invent problems from scratch.

1. Ask questions

The easiest way to start a dialogue is with a question that is relevant to the situation. If you are at a certain party, you can ask something about the menu - pay attention to what the potential interlocutor drinks or eats, and ask if he is happy with the choice and whether you should order yourself a similar dish or drink. Of course, you should not be intrusive at the same time, if a person is relaxed and clearly ready for communication, and not concentrated on absorbing his food, then only then it makes sense to ask such questions.

You can also be interested in more neutral topics - how to get to this or that district, where there is a good store of equipment or books in the city, and so on.

2. Be interesting

In order that there are no questions about possible topics for conversation, you need to expand your horizons, constantly be in the stage of intellectual or physical development. If you have nothing to talk about with others, then most likely you have little interest in other than your main activity. Many careerists are fixated only on their work, housewives - on everyday issues, and students - on their studies. It is unlikely that these topics alone are able to win over the interlocutor and make him interested in your personality.

Start with reading - world classics or philosophical literature. Subsequently, you can give examples from the books you read or recommend certain works to the interlocutor, giving them your assessment. You may say that you have absolutely no time to read. It is for such people that audiobooks have long been invented that can be listened to in traffic jams, while cooking dinner, cleaning the apartment, and so on.

It is useful to attend various master classes for the development of your personality. As a child, many of us liked to go to some kind of "circles" - dancing, drawing, beading and the like. Nowadays all this and much more is offered for adults as well. In almost every city, with the exception of very small provinces, you can find many workshops - you can sign up for a painting lesson, belly dancing, yoga, cooking classes, dancing and much more!

3. Let others be interesting

Do not assume that when communicating with you, the interlocutor is only engaged in evaluating your conversation skills, tone, gestures and content of stories. Most people want to make a good impression of themselves as much as you do, and you can endear them if you help them open up in an interesting way. He will remember this feeling of self-satisfaction, and subconsciously note that it arose during a conversation with you, so he will be pleased to remember this communication, and he will strive for it again.

If you know that the interlocutor has recently visited another country or city, inquire about the peculiarities of this place. If he plays sports, mark his excellent physical condition, tell him that you would like to do something similar and ask for advice on where to start. Many people can get lost with some questions, and if you notice that one of them caught a person by surprise, do not focus on this topic if the counterpart himself does not return to it. Immediately, unobtrusively turn the conversation into another direction - but do not go on to the next question, but tell something yourself, in the meantime, allowing the interlocutor to collect his thoughts.

How easy it is to meet people and make friends

People often avoid making acquaintances on their own for fear of looking strange. If you want to avoid this, take note of some recommendations.

Don't be intrusive. When addressing a person, try to accurately track his reaction. If he clearly tries to answer in monosyllables, looks away, does not ask counter questions and switches to other things, such as examining the surrounding interior or the settings of his phone, then he is clearly not inclined to dialogue. It may not even be about you - it's just that now this person does not want communication or is not in the mood to make new acquaintances. Surely you are familiar with similar feelings.

Be natural. Allow yourself to forget about all your fears or complexes for at least one day. Conduct a kind of experiment - start a conversation with another person without thinking about what impression you are making. Just enjoy the conversation.

Stay Confident in itself. If so far you have not been able to gain confidence in yourself, no one should guess about it. If you start a conversation with ingratiating words or uncertain intonations, you are unlikely to be able to achieve a positive effect. Speak confidently and calmly, do not hesitate in your words and do not think that you might look stupid and ridiculous. What does a confident person look like? When talking, he does not look at the floor or to the side, but in the eyes of the interlocutor. Although, from time to time, it is still worthwhile to relax your gaze to the side - an uninterrupted gaze into the eyes may seem unnatural. Do not constantly straighten your clothes or hair, do not "wring" your hands, and do not study your reflection (even briefly) on mirrored surfaces.

Speech and diction. This is also an important point. Learn to speak not too loudly, but also not softly. You should be heard well, but nothing more. If you are periodically asked to speak louder or quieter, pay attention to this point - it can significantly annoy the interlocutors. You can also record your speech on a dictaphone, and while listening to it, pay attention to errors. Avoid procrastination and procrastination, as well as excessive haste. Observe the golden mean. Now you can find many trainings where professionals will help you with the correct diction. You can just sign up for a private consultation with a speech therapist, even if it seems to you that you have no problems with pronunciation, stress placement and the like - this meeting, in any case, will benefit you.

Be positive. Many people try to avoid those who often "radiate" negativity. Think if you are one of these pessimists? Even if you are used to thinking negatively, try not to show this trait to others. Compliment people, praise them, joke, laugh at other people's jokes.

However, feigned gaiety should also be avoided - such insincerity is often noticeable and looks ridiculous. Try not to talk badly about other people, or at least not focus on your own. negative emotions- it can alienate you.

Show interest. As you know, most people are very concerned about their personality - how they look, what impression they make, and the like. Taking an interest in the person you are talking to can be a sure way to form friendships. Pay attention to any slightest achievements of a potential friend, ask his opinion on a particular topic, give compliments. Of course, it's important not to overdo it so that your interest doesn't sound like flattery.

If you begin to notice that other people are not too eager to maintain a dialogue with you and even avoid communication, then perhaps some reasons contributed to this. Let's consider some of them:

1- Subjective assessment

Of course, we all have our own subjective point of view on almost everything. However, if you are a tactful interlocutor, you will not try to impose your opinion on another person, especially if you see that he does not agree with him.

It is important to understand that someone else's point of view on certain events is no less valuable than yours. Yes, it is possible that the interlocutor is really mistaken, but if you want to make it pleasant to communicate with you, then do not try to prove your case at all costs. Give your arguments gently, without irony or irritation, ask what arguments your opponent has. Believe me, if a person is really wrong in some important issue, then soon he himself will understand this. If the question is insignificant, then it is not worth paying extra attention to.

2 - Aloofness or talkativeness

These are two extremes that are best avoided. In the first case, when a person behaves distantly, immersed in himself, the interlocutor may decide that you are not interested in communicating with him. Of course, there are people who like to speak out incessantly, and at the same time do not notice the mood of others, but most still pay attention to other people's reactions. Perhaps, due to the peculiarity of character or shyness, you try not to express your point of view, giving the interlocutor the right to conduct a dialogue, but gradually such communication can turn into a monologue, and it is not a fact that the other participant in the conversation likes this state of affairs.

In the second case (with excessive talkativeness) it is also difficult to hone the right communication skills. Many of us know people who like to talk a lot, interrupt and not listen to others. At the same time, they may consider themselves interesting and sociable personalities, but in fact they cause varying degrees of irritation. If mostly tactful interlocutors come across on their way, they may not even know about their problem. Analyze your conversations with other people - who speaks more? In communication, it is important to maintain a balance - to speak yourself, ask questions and listen to the answers of the other person.

3 - gaze

Are you sure you don't have that habit of staring at other people? Many people feel uncomfortable under such a "microscope", and they try to curtail the conversation as soon as possible. It may seem to you that you are quietly studying someone's shoes, hair, or some part of the body, but, as a rule, this is quite noticeable.

Also, the height of tactlessness is pointing out any shortcomings that a person already knows very well himself or, most likely, would like not to focus on. Perhaps it is not even worth mentioning that exclamations are unacceptable: "Oh, your pimple has popped out!", "Do you know that you have gray hair?", "Have you recovered?" similar tactless remarks. They can only sound between very close people - parent and son or daughter or husband and wife, and then if you are sure that it is appropriate.

4 - Questions

This one follows from the previous subparagraph - it will be about the ability to ask questions. Even if you and your interlocutor speak in approximately equal proportions, but at the same time you do not ask any questions to maintain the conversation, then such a conversation can soon get boring. It is important for people to feel interested in their person. Take an interest in the affairs of the interlocutor, his opinion on this or that account. In this case, it is important not to cross the line. If you are not in a very close relationship, do not ask very personal questions - do not be tactless. If a person is embarrassed about a question or topic of conversation, subtly turn the conversation into another channel, thereby showing yourself to be a flexible and tactful interlocutor.