Negativism - a state of rejection, rejection, a negative attitude towards the world, towards life, towards a specific person, is a typical sign of a destructive position. It can manifest itself as a character trait or situational reaction. The term is used in psychiatry and psychology. In psychiatry, it is described in connection with the development of catatonic stupor and catatonic agitation. In addition, together with other manifestations, it is a sign of schizophrenia, including catatonic.

In psychology, this concept is used as a characteristic of the characteristics of the manifestation of age-related crises. Most often it is observed in children of three years old and adolescents. The opposite of this state is: cooperation, support, understanding. The famous psychotherapist Z. Freud explained this phenomenon as a variant of a primitive psychological defense.

With the concept of negativism, the concept of nonconformism (disagreement) has some similarity, which means an active rejection of generally accepted norms, established order, values, traditions, laws. The opposite state is conformism, in which a person is guided by the attitude "to be like everyone else." In everyday life, nonconformists usually experience pressure and aggressive behavior from conformists, who represent the “silent majority”.

From the point of view of science, both conformism and non-conformism are elements of childish, immature behavior. Mature behavior is independent. More adult manifestations of behavior are love and care, when a person regards his freedom not as something that you can not do something, but, on the contrary, you can do something worthy.

Negativism can manifest itself in the perception of life, when a person sees continuous negativity in life. Such a mood is called negative perception of the world - when a person perceives the world in dark and gloomy colors, he notices only the bad in everything.

Negativism, as a character trait, can be formed under the influence of various factors. The most common are the influence of hormonal levels and genetic predisposition. At the same time, experts consider it necessary to take into account a number of the following psychological factors:

• helplessness;
• lack of strength and skills to overcome life's difficulties;
• self-affirmation;
• expression of revenge and dislike;
• lack of attention.

Signs

A person can determine the presence of this condition on their own by the presence of the following symptoms:

• thoughts about the imperfection of the world;
• tendency to worry;
• hostile attitude towards people with a positive outlook;
• ingratitude;
• the habit of living through the problem, instead of looking for a way to solve it;
• motivation through negative information;
• focusing on the negative.

Research by psychologists has allowed us to establish several factors on which negative motivation is based, among them:

• fear of running into trouble;
• guilt;
• fear of losing what is available;
• dissatisfaction with their results;
• lack of privacy;
• desire to prove something to others.

When communicating with a person who has signs of this condition, one should be careful not to openly point out to him the presence of this pathology, since they may exhibit a defense reaction, which will further strengthen their negative perception.

At the same time, each person is able to independently analyze his condition and not let himself "fall into negativism."

Types of negativism

Negative perception can manifest itself both in an active form and in a passive one. Active negativism is characterized by an open rejection of requests, such people do the opposite, no matter what they are asked for. It is typical for children of three years old. Speech negativism is quite common at this time.

Little stubborn people refuse to comply with any requests from adults and do the opposite. In adults, this type of pathology manifests itself in schizophrenia, so patients are asked to turn their faces, they turn in the opposite direction.

At the same time, negativism must be distinguished from stubbornness, since stubbornness has some reasons, and negativism is unmotivated resistance.

Passive negativism is characterized by a complete disregard for demands and requests. It is usually present in the catatonic form of schizophrenia. When trying to change the position of the patient's body, he is faced with strong resistance, which arises as a result of increased muscle tone.

In addition, behavioral, communicative and deep negativism are distinguished. Behavioral is characterized by refusal to comply with requests or acting contrary to. Communicative or superficial is manifested in the external manifestation of rejection of someone's position, however, as far as a specific case is concerned, such people are quite constructive, sociable and positive.

Deep negativism - internal rejection of requirements without external manifestations, which is characterized by the fact that regardless of how a person behaves externally, inside he has a negative prejudice

Negativism and age

Children's negativism first appears in children of three years old. It was during this period that one of the age crises falls, which was called "I myself". Children of three years old begin to fight for their independence for the first time, they strive to prove their growing up. The age of three is characterized by such signs as whims, active rejection of parental help. Children often object to any suggestions. In children of three years old, a manifestation of negativism is the desire for revenge. Gradually, with the correct reaction of adults, children's negativism in a preschooler disappears.

A frequent manifestation of this state in a preschooler is mutism - speech negativism, which is characterized by the refusal of verbal communication. In this case, attention should be paid to the development of the child in order to exclude the presence of serious health problems, both mental and somatic. Speech negativism is a frequent manifestation of the three-year crisis. Rarely, but a manifestation of such a condition is possible at the age of 7.

Children's negativism may indicate the presence of mental pathology or personality problems. Prolonged negativism in a preschooler requires correction and special attention from adults. Reactions of protest behavior are characteristic of adolescence. It was at this time that negativism in children becomes the cause of frequent conflicts at school and at home. Adolescent negativism has a more vivid color and appears at the age of 15-16. Gradually, as they grow older, these manifestations disappear with the competent approach of the parents. In some cases, behavior correction is required. To this end, the parents of a rebellious child can seek help from a psychologist.

Currently, experts note a shift in the boundaries of age crises in the younger generations. In this regard, the phenomena of negativism are becoming typical for young people aged 20-22, which undoubtedly leaves an imprint on their socialization. Negativism can also manifest itself in a more mature age, and in older people during a period of exacerbation of personal setbacks. It also occurs in dementia and progressive paralysis.

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In public places, we can hear unfriendly remarks: "Don't sit with me: you stink", "You are so fat that two seats are not enough for you", "This is not your case!", "What a schmuck!" All this is pronounced without sympathy and empathy - these are the consequences of unkind, bad behavior and even rudeness.
Yes, we often hear hostile remarks from others during speeches, speeches, conversations. You need to understand for yourself their reason, and this will prompt the correct speech actions. They may be due to hooliganism, fundamental disagreement. You can try to overcome this with a good joke. Do not get lost in response to malevolence in tone and statements. With a very intense and prolonged manifestation of hostility, it is advisable to leave silently.
Let's look at the synonyms for the word ill will: hostility, hostility, coldness, aggressiveness, dislike, hostility, malice, dislike, hostility, hostility, malice, hostility, hostility, dislike, hostility, strained relations. All these synonyms express not kind, sometimes impudent behavior of a person.

Negativism is a reactive or oppositional behavior or attitude. Active or team negativism, expressed in the performance of actions that are opposite to those required or expected.
In the book "Personnel Management. An Encyclopedic Dictionary" it is written: "Negativism (lat. Egatio - negation) is a negative, negative attitude to reality. Negativism is caused by the subject's need for self-affirmation, is a consequence of a person's selfishness, his indifference to the interests of other people.
A large psychological dictionary distinguishes between negativism in general and children's negativism.
"Childhood negativism is a form of a child's protest against a really existing (or perceived as real) unfavorable attitude towards him on the part of peers or adults. Child's negativism can manifest itself in different ways: in increased rudeness, stubbornness, in isolation, alienation.
The psychological basis of negative reactions in all cases is the dissatisfaction of some extremely essential social needs for the child: the need for communication, approval, respect, the need for emotional contact - emotional consonance with a significant other (a peer or close adult).
Blocking the need (frustration) becomes a source of deep feelings, which, as the child becomes aware of them, more and more contribute to the emergence of negative tendencies in his behavior.
As a reaction to failure (in achieving the desired), the negative reaction is compensatory, protective. It helps the child to withstand a difficult, conflicting life situation for him: in some cases, due to external provision of an essential need for him, in the other, by asserting himself "at any cost" - deliberate indiscipline, buffoonery, etc.
Negative reactions during prolonged emotional distress of the child can become qualities of his personality.
Lev Semyonovich Vygotsky highlighted the problem of negativism in a very interesting way, giving a detailed analysis of negativism in adolescent girls and adolescent boys.
“Noting further that the period of negativism in girls usually occurs before the first menstruation and ends with its onset, S. Buhler is inclined to view the entire complex of negative symptoms as a direct onset of puberty. activities even in the field of special giftedness and interests. (Note that in this case we have one of the excellent illustrations of how the development of mechanisms of behavior, skills and abilities does not go parallel with the development of interests and what a deep discrepancy between one and the other process we observe in negative phase.) Further, along with this decrease, there is internal discontent, anxiety, a desire for loneliness, self-isolation, sometimes accompanied by a hostile attitude towards others. Shl in general. The adolescent seems to be repelled by the environment, he has a negative attitude towards the environment, towards what until recently was the subject of his interest; sometimes negativism proceeds more mildly, sometimes it manifests itself in the form of destructive activity. Along with subjective experiences (depressed state, depression, anguish, which manifests itself in entries in diaries and other documents that reveal the inner, intimate life of a teenager), this phase is characterized by hostility, a tendency to quarrels, and violations of discipline.
The entire phase could be called the phase of the second negativism, since such a negative attitude usually manifests itself for the first time in early childhood, around 3 years of age. This gives S. Buhler a reason to draw, as we have already noted, a far-reaching analogy between the first and second phases of denial. But this similarity, of course, is limited to a purely formal similarity between one and the other period; apparently, a negative attitude characterizes every change, every break, every transition of the child from one stage to another, being a necessary bridge over which the child rises to a new stage of development. According to S. Buhler, this phase occurs in girls at an average age of 13 years 2 months. and lasts several months.
Similar observations were made by other researchers. For example, O. Sterzinger drew attention to the fact that teachers have long complained about the decline in the academic performance and productivity of students, about the difficulties that are encountered in school work, usually in the 5th grade, among adolescents of 14 and 15 years old. The same circumstance is noted by O. Cro: in the first phase of puberty, there is, as it were, a decrease in the ability and productivity in the mental work of a student. Croh points out that the astoundingly poor school performance, which is usually observed in grade 5 even among good students in high school, is due to the fact that the attitude here changes from visualization and knowledge to understanding and deduction. The transition to a new, higher form of intellectual activity is accompanied by a temporary decrease in working capacity.
With good reason, Kro characterizes the entire stage as a stage of disorientation in internal and external relations. At the moment of transition, when the features of the dying past and the beginning future are mixed in the personality of the adolescent, there is some change in the main lines, direction, some temporary state of disorientation. It is during this period that there is some discrepancy between the child and his environment. Who believes that during the entire process of development, hardly ever the human "I" and the world are more divided than during this period.
O. Tumlirts (1931) gives a similar description of this phase in the development of interests. For him, the period of puberty also begins with a phase, the central point of which is the breaking of previously established interests. This is a period of collision of various psychological attitudes, a period of anxiety, internal and external denial and protest. An oppositional, negative attitude characterizes this period of absence of positive and stable interests. The first phase of denial is replaced by another, positive phase, which Tumlirts calls the time of cultural interests.
We see that the most various researchers, despite the discrepancy in individual definitions, agree to establish the presence of a negative phase at the beginning of the transitional age. On the factual side, we find a valuable addition to this provision from various authors.
So. A. Busemann, who investigated the problem of reflecting the main features of youth in their own judgments of adolescence, notes, especially in girls, the onset of the symptom of discontent at about 13, in boys at about 16 years old.
E. Liau. The study of which attracts our attention primarily because it is devoted to the working teenager, notes about 15-16 years of age the decline of the teenager's interests in his work, often a sudden negative attitude towards the profession. This attitude usually goes away soon, giving way to a positive one.
Studies of other authors helped to clarify the differences in the course of the phase in boys and girls and to clarify the individual symptoms of this phase. Thus, the study of K. Reininger showed that the negative phase was observed in girls usually between 11 years 8 months and 13 years. The phase lasts from 8 to 9 months.
Reininger concludes that the negative phase is a normal and necessary period through which a teenager must go. The absence of this phase, according to Reininger, is observed only when the development of the adolescent deviates from the norm in one way or another, or when premature early maturity occurs.
The end of the phase is characterized by the main symptom - an increase in academic performance and productivity of mental activity. Among the symptoms that characterize this stage, the researcher notes instability, anxiety and low mood, its negative coloration, passivity and decline of interests. In girls of the disadvantaged classes, the same phase is observed, proceeding basically the same, but coming a little later - about 13-14 years old.
A similar study of this phase in girls was carried out by L. Vecherka, who studied the development of social relations between adolescents, their relationship to adults, and various forms of children's social life. According to her data, the evolution of social relations and related interests clearly reveals two polar phases, of which the first is characterized by the disintegration of collective ties, the rupture of previously established relations between children, a sharp change in attitudes towards other people, and the second, which the researcher calls the phase of alliances, is characterized by opposite features, expansion and strengthening, first of all, of public relations.
G. Getzer observed the course of the same phase in boys. The phase usually began a little later than in girls, between 14 and 16 years of age. Symptoms are the same as in girls: a decline in productivity, a pessimistic mood. A significantly different feature is a more violent and prolonged course of the negative phase and a more active nature of negativism, a slight decrease in apathy and passivity in comparison with girls in the same phase, a slightly greater manifestation of destructive activity in various forms.
PL Zagorovsky considers the first feature that is observed in adolescents of the negative phase, reduced academic performance and performance. After a period of normal academic performance and working capacity, suddenly there is a failure to complete tasks, missing classes; students who have carried out a certain work with enthusiasm suddenly lose interest in it; to the teacher's questions why this or that work has not been prepared, there are often answers: there is no desire to study. Academic performance decreases, in some cases it is especially noticeable. Discipline is observed in adolescents (and this applies mainly to boys); opposition to the comradely environment, "speech negativism" and negativism in actions, breaking of friendly ties, disregard of the rules established by the team, the desire for loneliness - these are the most often combined features of adolescent behavior in this phase. Girls are more likely to have a passive, apathetic, drowsy state.
In some cases (in 8 adolescents), a keen interest in reading was noted, and adolescents move on to books of a different content, namely to works where there is an erotic moment. In a number of cases, one can assume the presence of an acute sexual interest, but Zagorovsky's observations could not clearly illuminate this side of a teenager's life.
A decrease in working capacity and academic performance equally characterizes both boys and girls in a negative phase. Especially, says Zagorovsky, performance decreases with tasks of a creative nature (composition, problem solving). Meanwhile, in mechanical works, deterioration is sometimes not noted.
Essentially new in this study by Zagorovsky is the description of the behavior of adolescents in a negative phase of development in the family. The general conclusion that can be drawn on the basis of these data is that the negativism of a teenager manifests itself in the family not as clearly as in school, and, conversely, in some adolescents, negative phenomena are sharply revealed in the family, being almost imperceptible in the school environment.
Thus, two points draw our attention in this study: firstly, a decrease in working capacity mainly in tasks of a creative nature, which becomes understandable in connection with the transition of a teenager to new, not yet strengthened forms of intellectual activity, as well as due to the fact that these works, more than works of a mechanical nature, must rely on the creative interests of the adolescent and suffer more in the era of breaking interests; secondly, the closest dependence of negative attitudes on environmental conditions (negative attitudes were not manifested in all children to the same extent and showed different forms of occurrence in the family and school).
The second study, involving 104 adolescents entering puberty, allowed the author to clarify a number of issues related to this problem and provide a highly valuable and important qualitative analysis of the observed phenomena. The average age of the girls covered by the study is 13 years 3 months (from 12 years to 13 years 9 months), the average age of boys is 14 years 4 months (from 13 years 6 months to 15 years 8 months).
The data obtained were subjected to a qualitative analysis, which made it possible to identify the types of schoolchildren in relation to their experience of the negative phase of development. Instead of “types,” the author proposes to name “the forms of behavior of the Soviet schoolchild,” since the concept of “type” presupposes something stable, unchangeable, which cannot be said about children from the data obtained by Zagorovsky. The forms of the negative phase in adolescents are reduced to three main options: in the first case, pronounced negativism manifests itself in all areas of the child's life, the old interests of the student fall sharply, take a new direction, for example, on issues of sexual life; the behavior of the adolescent in some cases changes in any few weeks.
In a number of cases, negativism is remarkably stable. The student completely drops out of the family, he is inaccessible to the persuasion of his elders, at school he is highly excitable or, on the contrary, stupid, that is, it is easy to establish traits of a schizoid character in him. There were 16 such children (9 boys and 7 girls), among them 4 were from working families. In girls, the softening of sharp negative traits was noted zealously earlier than in boys. Describing these children, the author
says that the initial period of puberty is difficult and acute for them.
The second variant of the course of the negative phase is distinguished by more relaxed features of denial. A teenager, according to Zagorovsky, is a potential negativist, about him we can say that a negative attitude manifests itself in him only in certain life situations, in certain environmental conditions, his negativism arises mainly as a reaction to negative environmental influences (depressing actions of the school environment, family conflicts), but these reactions are unstable and short-lived. It is characteristic of these children that they behave differently in different social situations, for example, at school and in the family. The vast majority of the studied schoolchildren belong to this type (68 out of 104).
Finally, in the third variant of the course of the first phase of puberty, negative phenomena cannot be established at all. There is absolutely no decline in academic performance, breakdown of friendly ties, dropout from the team, change in attitudes towards the teacher and family. Meanwhile, Zagorovsky notes, the change in interests is striking: interest in the other sex is revealed, other book interests are manifested, but interest in the school community is weakening. This group covers about 20% of the observed children. The entire group has a certain positive focus on life situations, meanwhile, children go through the same biological phases of development as children - explicit negativists. In the third group of children, according to the author, there seems to be no negative phase at all, their positive emotionality does not weaken over a long period. Most children without negative phase belong to working families (11 out of 20).
Based on his research, Zagorovsky comes to the conclusion that a significant amendment should be made to the provisions of the authors describing the negative phase. In his opinion, there is no doubt that negativism, as a well-known phase in the development of the interests of a teenager, characterized by the repulsion of a teenager from the environment, takes place in human development. But, Zagorovsky believes, it is necessary to reject the purely biological formula put forward by S. Buhler. The inconsistency of this formula lies, according to the author, in the fact that negative reflexes in relation to the environment, observed in higher mammals, can be inhibited, modified, and take on peculiar forms of expression in the social human environment. Further, negativism can be detected in relation to not all life situations. To a large extent, the sharp manifestation of these symptoms can be due to the shortcomings of the pedagogical approach.
We do not know well the pedagogy of adolescence, says Zagorovsky, we have not yet developed certain influences on adolescent negativists, but the fact noted by all researchers that the negative phase in a normal adolescent is not so important that it can be detected in various forms of behavior, i.e. influences, speaks of the conclusion in favor of pedagogical optimism.
We think that in describing the negative phase, along with correctly noted symptoms that characterize the early onset of puberty, most authors oversimplify the issue, due to which a contradictory picture of various forms of identifying the negative stage in different conditions of the social environment and upbringing arises.

The analysis of this phase cannot be limited to biological forms alone, as Zagorovsky correctly points out. However, it seems to us, his objection does not cover the whole issue as a whole: so, he is inclined to assign to the environment in the development of the adolescent's interests only the role of a factor that can inhibit, moderate, give a different external expression, but not re-create and shape the interests of the adolescent. Meanwhile, the most essential feature of this period is that the era of puberty is at the same time the era of social maturation of the individual. Along with the awakening of new drives, creating a biological basis for the restructuring of the entire system of interests, there is a restructuring and formation of interests from above, from the side of the maturing personality and worldview of the adolescent.
The fact that a human adolescent is not only a biological, natural, but also a historical, social being is usually overlooked by authors-biologists, as well as the fact that together with the social maturation and growth of the adolescent into the surrounding social life, his interests do not flow mechanically. like a liquid into an empty vessel, into the biological forms of his drives, but they themselves, in the process of internal development and restructuring of the personality, rebuild the very forms of drives, raising them to a higher level and turning them into human interests, they themselves become internal components of the personality.
The ideas that surround the teenager and that are at the beginning of his maturation outside of him become his inner property, an integral part of his personality.
The second amendment that should be made to the doctrine of the negative phase is that both from the biological and from the socio-psychological point of view, it is equally wrong to draw this period as a homogeneous stage, to imagine the entire melody of the critical stage being formed from one note. In fact, the processes of development in general and this process in particular are distinguished by an immeasurably more complex structure, an immeasurably finer structure.
A. B. Zalkind speaks of a deep pedagogical error, which is
the source of a number of absurdities in the methods of the educational approach to the critical period. The delusion is mainly due to the fact that the critical stage is imagined as a homogeneous stage, in which there are supposedly only processes of excitation, fermentation, explosions - in a word, such phenomena that are incredibly difficult to cope with. In fact, the critical period, despite all the complexity and difficulty, is not at all distinguished by the tragedy that was usually attributed to it in the old pedology, it is completely heterogeneous, three types of processes take place simultaneously in it, and each of these types requires timely and integral accounting in communication with all others when working out methods of education.
These three types of processes that make up the critical period in the development of a teenager, according to Zalkind, are as follows: 1) growing stabilization processes that consolidate the previous acquisitions of the body, making them more and more fundamental, more and more stable; 2) the processes are really critical, completely new; moreover, very rapidly, rapidly growing changes and 3) processes leading to the formation of the nascent elements of an adult, which are the basis for further creative activity of a growing person. The internal heterogeneity and unity of the critical stage are covered, according to Zalkind, in the following formula: this stage ends and consolidates childhood, it creates a completely new one, and it also carries elements of maturation in the full sense of the word.
We think that it is precisely taking into account the heterogeneity of the critical phase, along with taking into account the transformation of drives into interests, that is, the cultural formation of drives, that presents the problem of the negative phase in a really correct light.
The central point that determines the structure and dynamics of each phase is the interests of the adolescent.
A. B. Zalkind says that in a transitional age the problem of interests becomes extremely complicated. It is quite clear that if we do not create in adolescents vivid attitudes towards certain impressions that interest them, then we will not be able to cover the main part of those biological values ​​that are included in the transitional age through pedagogical influence. It can be absolutely firmly pointed out that the problem of upbringing and teaching a transitional age is a problem of the correct construction of age interests, age dominants, according to the author. "
[Vygotsky L. S .: Volume IV. , S. 7862 (vgl. Vygotsky: Collected works. Vol. 4, S. 0)].
S.L. Rubinstein writes about the negativism of adolescents:

"Negativism manifests itself in unmotivated volitional opposition to everything that comes from others. Negativism hides not strength, but weakness of will, when the subject is unable to maintain sufficient internal freedom in relation to the desires of others to weigh them in essence and on this basis accept or reject them. As with suggestibility, the subject accepts, so with negativism, he rejects, regardless of the objective content that justifies the decision. Phenomena of negativism are observed, as well as suggestion, in hysterical subjects.
Negativism is also spoken of as a characteristic phenomenon of the child's volitional sphere. But the genetic causation of these phenomena is different in both cases. The will, not yet strengthened, sometimes creates for itself a protective barrier in the phenomena of negativism. However, in the process of development, negativism is usually a symptom of an abnormally evolving relationship between a child or adolescent and his environment. What the adolescent interprets as negativism is sometimes a manifestation of the discord between fathers and children, which was especially pronounced during periods of more or less significant social changes in the history of society.
In this connection, another phenomenon of a characterological order is instructive - stubbornness. Although stubbornness and perseverance seem to be manifested in stubbornness, stubbornness and willpower are not identical phenomena. With stubbornness, the subject persists in his decision only because this decision comes from him. Stubbornness differs from persistence in its objective groundlessness. The decision with stubbornness is formal in nature, since it is made without regard to the essence or objective content of the decision.
Suggestibility, negativism and stubbornness clearly reveal the meaning for a full-fledged volitional act of an objective, substantiating content. The attitude towards other people and towards oneself plays an essential role in every normal volitional act; with suggestion, negativism and stubbornness, they acquire pathological forms because they are not mediated by the objective content of the decision being made. "
[Rubinstein S. L .: Part five. , S. 24681 (vgl. Rubinstein: Fundamentals of General Psychology, S. 0).
Uznadze echoes him: “Thus, during puberty, negativism and stubbornness reappear.
This second period of stubbornness is also quickly ending and is giving way to a new, now higher stage in the development of human behavior. The imagination and intellect of the growing person are already sufficiently developed so that he can take on the regulation of his own behavior. His strengthened self-awareness, constant emphasis on his own "I" and his ideals prepare him enough for this "I" to become the subject of his behavior. So, a growing person has already finally reached the stage of volitional activity. "
[Uznadze DN: Psychology of activity. Impulsive behavior. , S. 29971 (vgl. Uznadze DN Psychological research, S. 424)]

L.I. Bozovic believes that outwardly negativism manifests itself in seemingly unreasonable whims of a child, stubbornness, a constant refusal to fulfill the requirements of adults, a desire to insist on one's own at all costs. Children actually become uncontrollable: neither demands, nor threats, nor even requests have any effect on them. They steadfastly refuse to do what until recently they did without question.
It’s not that children don’t want to do what the adult suggests, but that they don’t want to fulfill the demands of the adult. The mother tells the child to go for a walk, but the child categorically refuses. They start to dress him, he resists. But some time after he was left alone, he suddenly declares: "I want to go for a walk."
The reason for this behavior is that the child accumulates an emotionally negative attitude towards the demands of adults, which prevents the satisfaction of the children's need for independence. And the need for independence arises in connection with the emergence of motivating ideas.
Some parents somehow intuitively catch the beginning of this new stage in the child's mental development and change their approach to him. They begin to understand that a child over one year old cannot be treated in the same way as an infant; now they must reckon with his desire to act in accordance with his own motives. For those parents who did not understand this, the conflict with children will inevitably worsen. There have been cases when children refused to do even what they really wanted, if they saw that their parents wanted the same thing from them.
Thus, negativism is the result of improper upbringing, a consequence of the child's protest against the violence committed against him by adults. And it should not be confused with persistence. The child's persistent desire to achieve a goal, in contrast to negativism, is a positive phenomenon, this is the most important characteristic of volitional behavior. Indeed, with negativism, the motive for the child's behavior is an extremely stubborn desire to insist on his own, and persistence is determined by the child's genuine interest in achieving the goal.
From all that has been said, it is obvious that the emergence of negativism brings enormous damage to the development and upbringing of a child. First, the contact between the child and the adult is disturbed, without which upbringing becomes generally impossible. Secondly, the fact that adults constantly hinder the fulfillment of the child's own decisions and desires gradually leads to a weakening of these desires themselves, that is, to a weakening of his desire for independence. If parents do not have the patience to give their children the opportunity to show independence in a timely manner, then after a while the children stop striving to show independence and demand that they be dressed and fed by adults.
Consequently, violence against a child, imposing on him behavior that does not correspond to his internal needs, disfigures the psyche of a little person. It is necessary to avoid such violence, to encourage the child's desire for independence in every possible way.
In the same way, as in early childhood, upbringing in preschool age consists not so much in some special methods as in the correct organization of the child's entire life and activities. After all, one cannot expect a manifestation of will from a person deprived of independence, who lacks certain goals that give rise to the desire to achieve them. That is why, speaking about the upbringing of the will, one should talk about the correct organization of the whole life and activities of the child, which form his personality.
[Bozhovich L.I .: Development of will in ontogenesis. , S. 4531 (vgl. Bozovic: Problems of personality formation, S. 312)].
A.V. Brushlinsky, believes that in the course of self-development, a child is very differently susceptible to various influences from the outside and therefore is not defenseless. In this sense, even children's and adolescent negativism - for all its negative properties - can also have some positive meaning, providing, when necessary, temporary protection from unwanted external influences, in particular, from help from adults and peers.
Pedagogical, moral-psychological, etc. help is always necessary and useful for a child, but it can contribute to his self-development only under strictly defined conditions. In order to fully reveal this general position, it is advisable to compare with each other in this particular context the aforementioned principle of determinism "external only through internal" and the concept of a zone of proximal development, which comes from L. S. Vygotsky and is now widely used by his followers.
[Brushlinsky AV: § 3. The integrity of the subject is the basis for the systematic nature of all his mental qualities. , S. 4689 (vgl. Brushlinsky: Problems of the psychology of the subject, S. 43)]

M. Borba offers four steps to getting rid of ill will.

Here are four steps to help your child release ill will and develop empathy.

Step 1: criticize rude behavior, not the child

As soon as you notice that the child is being rude, immediately draw his attention to the behavior. Don't trap yourself by engaging in lengthy sermons on the Golden Rule of Conduct (notation tends to turn kids off). Instead, take the time to identify and describe the child's ill-will. You should only focus on the child's unkind behavior, not the child itself. Your task is to make the child understand what kind of behavior you object to and why you do not approve of such behavior. Here are some examples of how to make bad behavior the target of a fight.
“It’s not good to call your cousin“ four-eyed. ”Calling names is bad because it humiliates people. I just cannot let you do that.”
“How bad it is to tell your sister about fat jokes and call her fat. You’re laughing at her, not with her. You cannot tease a person, it hurts his feelings.”
"You were inattentive, not asking your friend what program he wants to watch. You only watch what you want yourself, without even asking his desires. I want you to be a more attentive host."

Step 2: Help your child understand the feelings of the one he offended.

In raising a child who demonstrates ill will in his behavior, it is important to help him understand how much his actions hurt the person. Here are some questions that will make your child wonder how their rudeness affects the feelings of the person they hurt.
"Do you see how upset your brother is? How does he feel about your action?"
"She burst into tears because of you. How do you think she feels?"
"Did you notice how your rudeness affected her? How would you feel if someone did this to you?"

Step 3. Teach your child to avoid being rude

Now ask your child one very important question: "What will you do differently next time?" We often miss this step because we believe the child knows how to behave differently. Don't make that assumption! I have watched many children become inveterate rude people because no one bothered to talk to them about rude substitution behavior. After all, the most effective parenting is one that teaches children to do the right thing. Therefore, teach your child to behave in a new, friendly way. To replace rude actions, for example, teach him to praise a friend, apologize, share or express admiration. Then help your child practice the new behavior so that it becomes a habit.

Step 4. Give your child the opportunity to correct what they have done.

The final part of parenting is helping the child learn to take responsibility for being rude by correcting what has been done. A study by Martin Hoffman found that if parents draw the child's attention to the harmful consequences of their actions, prompting them to atone for their guilt, it helps to develop courtesy and courtesy. It is very important that the child understands that the committed rude act cannot be reversed, however, it is possible to soften the awkwardness and smoothen the feeling of resentment in the one who was offended by apologizing, replacing damaged things, making way or doing something kind to him. Ask the child to make a corrective action plan. Moreover, make sure that there are no ambiguities in this matter, so that the child understands that you will not tolerate ill will.

A plan to gradually change the child's problematic behavior

Research shows that the number of ill-disposed children is on the rise. What do you think is driving this trend up? Experts say that they are not born malevolent - they learn this. Where do children learn ill will? Have you ever shown any hostility towards them? Have your children observed any manifestations of your ill will towards your spouse, family members or friends? How can parents reduce the factors that contribute to the development of ill will? How can you build compassion in a child? Write down your thoughts and choose one to bring it to life.
Now is the time for action to change your child's behavior. Use the Problem Behavior Change Diary to record your thoughts and plan for change.
1. Think about what might be contributing to your child's ill will? When did you first notice the malevolent behavior? What worried you? Now determine who the behavior is directed at (for example, you, your parents, siblings, friends, adults, toddlers, animals, neighborhood children)? Talk to other adults who are caring for your child who know him well and might observe similar behavior in a different setting. Take notes.
2. Review the list of the main causes of ill will in children. Could it be some of these reasons that your child is acting unkindly? Once you have identified the cause of the child's unfriendly behavior, make a plan to gradually change the problem behavior.
Common causes of ill will in children include:

Lack of empathy. The child may not fully understand how the person who has been mistreated is feeling.
Lack of self-esteem. The child feels his own failure, so he wants to humiliate the other person.
The need for revenge. He himself was molested and teased; he wants to "win back".
Desire to be accepted in the group. The child, wanting to be accepted in any group, suppresses its outsiders.
Lack of problem solving skills. Not knowing how to resolve the conflict, the child offends and calls names.
Envy. The child is jealous of someone, therefore humiliates him in order to feel better.
Malevolence shown towards the child himself. The child is treated unkindly, so he copies this behavior.
Desire to rule. The child feels superior when teased.
Lack of goodwill. Nobody explains to a child that ill will is bad.
Underdeveloped communication skills. The child does not have such skills of communication with other children as joint activities, settling disputes, keeping promises, support, ability to listen, so he resorts to suppressing another child.
3. Review the four steps to changing malevolent behavior. Recall the last time the child displayed this behavior. How would you use these steps to correct your child's behavior?
4. Think about what you will do and say the next time the child shows ill will. How will you apply these steps to change your child's behavior? Make some notes to help you remember how to raise your child more effectively to eradicate ill will.

Literature:
1. Big psychological dictionary / ed. B.G. Meshcheryakova, V.P. Zinchesko. / SPb .: Prime-Evroznak, 2006.
2. Bozovic L.I. Problems of personality formation, S. 312
3. Borba M. "No bad behavior. 38 models of problem behavior in a child and how to deal with them." M.: Williams, 2005.
4. Personnel management. Encyclopedic Dictionary. / Edited by A.Ya. Kibanova / M .: Infra-M, 1998.

Negativism
Material http: //www.psychologos.ru/articles/search/? Header ...
Author: N.I. Kozlov
Negativism is an attitude towards a person, people, and sometimes towards life and the world in general with a negative prejudice. The opposite of negativism is understanding, cooperation, support.
Most often, negativism means behavioral negativism - the tendency to refuse or do everything in spite of, to do the opposite, in spite of requests and demands. Passive negativism - ignoring requests and demands. Active negativism (protest behavior) - a person does the opposite, no matter what he is asked.
Negativism in children: “You stayed too long. Go for a walk! " - “I don’t want to, I read!”. “You haven't read it today. Time to start reading! " - “I don’t want to go for a walk!” - in this case, most likely, his desires will be directly opposite to what was proposed.
Negativism is more typical for children during age crises. Typical for adolescents (adolescent negativism) and older (older) people (see the Emotional Tone Scale and Age Negativism).
Emotional tone scale
Author: N.I. Kozlov
The world is beautiful
The world is good
The world is ordinary
The world is hostile
The scale of emotional tones is a visual and intuitive tool for characterizing a person's worldview used in the synthon approach. It is depicted as a vertical axis on which various emotional states (emotional tones) are laid. The entire Lifeworlds scale and the axes of the tone scale ′> are divided into five sections, five worlds:
"A wonderful and loving world"
"The world is good - a friendly and bright world"
"The world is ordinary, the world is ordinary"
"The world is hostile"
"The world is terrible."
There is no direct correspondence between this or that emotion (feeling, state) and the type of such perception of the world, many emotions and emotional states can be mixed, refer simultaneously to different worlds. It seems that a person decides for himself what kind of world he is in, and his emotions and feelings are only one of the circumstances. People are like children and treat the world as they did to their parents in childhood. They tend to call the world hostile, if it took something away from them, and if they are used to being afraid and not used to overcoming difficulties, they begin to cry that the world is terrible.
The tone scale is used to assess the emotional state and compare the degree of mental well-being of a person. The higher the tone, the more pronounced the person's mental well-being and success. The lower the tone, the more a person is insecure and prone to phobias.
If you have a choice, it is hardly worth getting in touch with people whose tone is significantly lower than yours. If the world is friendly for you, the world is good, there is no need to marry a man (marry a girl) with the worldview of "the world is hostile". If you are a leader, you most likely will not hire low-tone employees who see enemies everywhere, do not trust, justify themselves and are afraid.
All children are born against a bright background of positive: there are so many new, cool, unknown things around! Most older people perceive the world as hostile, if not scary. Is it possible to change this pattern and maintain a high emotional tone throughout life? Yes, you can.
Is it possible to raise the people around you on this scale? - If people want or at least do not resist, this is possible. The easiest way is to place a person surrounded by bright and cheerful people, for example, invite him to Synthon. However, it should be borne in mind that for a person with the attitude "the world is hostile" companies with an active friendly and light attitude are perceived as difficult, he is not inwardly close, and such relationships may seem not sincere to him. There are certain rules for how to lift people with a low emotional tone - up. The main rule is - in small steps, gradually.
Emotional Tone Scale and Romanticism
On a scale of emotional tones, the romantic state is an unstable beat between the world is beautiful and the world is ordinary, with attacks completely downward.
I remember, I know that the world can be beautiful, but I see that the world is gray and ordinary. I will be at enmity with this, but if it is always, I may even fall into apathy. See Romanticism and the Emotional Tone Scale

Negativism tends to escalate during periods of personal failure.
When negativism is associated with general poor health or mood, it is more often total in nature, manifesting itself in behavior, communication style, and outlook on life. In other cases, possibly due to the peculiarities of upbringing, negativism can be very selective. For example, in words a person swears, objects and blames, but in fact, at the same time, he loves and cares. On the contrary, a polite and well-mannered person with a completely positive vocabulary can in fact be an asocial person with negative misanthropic attitudes.
Negativism can manifest itself in relation to certain people or a group of people. For example, it seems to a person that in this society his individuality is suppressed, and then he tries to do everything "not like others." It is difficult for a negative person to live on his own, it is even more difficult to live next to him. It is difficult to do any business with a person if a person has a negative perception of the world - the habit of seeing the negative in life: mistakes - not successes, problems - not opportunities, disadvantages - not merits. However, negativists may well be friends with each other, throwing mud at others together. Often they also speak badly about each other, but since they are accustomed to seeing the negative in the world, then the nasty things addressed to them are quite understandable for them. They are used to it.
It is more difficult to notice deep negativism in a person. It happens that outwardly, seemingly, having a positive attitude towards people, inside himself he treats people with negative prejudices, not trusting people, seeing intent and sabotage, blaming and suspecting people, provoking negativism from others.
The reasons for negativism are varied; genetic circumstances, the influence of hormonal levels, and the general cultural environment cannot be denied. Unfortunately, negativism is one of the characteristic features of the Russian mentality. In this regard, the majority of Russians more often see themselves as disadvantages rather than advantages. Abroad, if a person on the street accidentally touches another person, almost everyone's stereotyped reaction is: "Sorry", an apology and a smile. This is how they were brought up. It is sad that in Russia such patterns are more negative, here you can hear both "Well, where are you looking?", And something sharper.
As for psychological reasons, these are primarily:
1) helplessness, lack of skills and knowledge of how to cope with the problem;
2) the struggle for power, self-affirmation;
3) lack of attention, attracting attention;
4) an expression of hostility, revenge. Sometimes this is a painful version of a negative perception of the world.
How to deal with negativism?
Fighting negativism is a creative task. It is dangerous to point out the symptoms of negativism in others; usually people with developing negativism react to this with protection, only strengthening themselves in their negativism. If you watch yourself or ask others to tell you when you are "falling into negativism", success is quite real.
And how not to fall into negativism yourself? - It is not very wise to fight negativism, since the fight against is already a manifestation of negativism. It is more productive and fun to develop a positive outlook and positive attitude towards people. This is real. So, we remove the position of the Victim, the tendency to groan and worry about "Oh, how awful everything is!", Develop the position of the Author, self-confidence and the habit of vigorous support from others. We learn to see our successes and successes, we learn to say compliments to people, we learn to thank people and we learn to be grateful to life in general.
Attentive people take care that negativism does not take hold of them. The easiest way is to ask friends and family members to follow you, especially since such a game is useful for everyone. You can independently track your positive vocabulary and separately write out your typical expressions in which you throw out your negative. Mat, naturally, is excluded from normal communication.
Emotional tone scale and age
All children are born against a bright background of positive: there are so many new, cool, unknown things around! Everything needs to be explored, seen, tasted! Children react vividly to even the smallest thing: "Mom, rainbow!", "Mom, mom, look at what leaf!" - that adults have long forgotten how to notice. A child lives in expectation of a miracle, faith in a miracle, for him every day is the accomplishment of a great miracle!
Look: A beautiful, radiant, loving world
Children often fight, but they are not familiar with the Hostile World. Situational states and feelings of hostility are possible at any age, but as a basic perception of the world, "The world is hostile" is very characteristic of adolescence, after which, in a favorable version, it is replaced by a higher tone, but again comes to most people in adulthood or old age.
This happens - gradually.
For an adult, every day is the norm. The sun rises and sets, there are no fairy tales in the world, miracles - what are you talking about? And often in such a limited world, he loses many moments that could make him happy and content. And his emotional background is reduced.
Well, we are not children, in fact, we do not have to ... The world from the magical becomes ordinary, ordinary - and even grayish, boring ...
Old people love to be close to children, because children, at least for a short time, return them to a state of joyful happiness.
Further more. Having forgotten how to notice the little joys of the wizarding world, a person concentrates on the bad things he encounters. And who is to blame for this? That's right - the world. The world is you are bad. So the world from the category of boring and commonplace - goes into the category of bad, which forces you to fight, fight for a place in the sun, in this incessant war, snatching its piece. "Trust no one, no one will deceive ..."
Then age rolls on ... When the strength to fight becomes less, the world seems so terrible that it no longer begins to anger - it begins to frighten. With him, with such, will you fight? No strength, no health ... The world became terrible. And the further - the more terrible and the last stage of fatigue by this world - apathy, despondency - there is no world. Not angry. And not scary. Simply - none. Indifferent. This is how it was: the world was magical - but it became dead. That's all. Look the world is scary
Everything?
Childhood negativism
The author of the article N.V. Zhutikova
True homo sapiens are characterized by a constant desire to become even more human. And for this he needs not only to absorb everything that will give him an organic connection with the one who gave birth to him. He needs many new connections outside the narrow circle of the family. And in them he should feel not like a sliver floating with the flow, not an organism that reacts to stimuli, not a functionary, but a personality!
The most intense personality asserts itself in adolescence. In the meantime, the child has yet to get to know himself, with his “I”, to isolate it from the environment, to separate himself from it, to be surprised at this, to experience it and to get comfortable at this new stage. But even before that, before that, there is a kind of preparation: unexpected for adults, spontaneous attempts at independence most often acquire negative forms (children's negativism), that is, forms of refusal from expected actions.
They often take on a tinge of play, when a child teases adults, demonstratively and slyly doing what they forbade. These psychologically normal negative forms of behavior are more often observed during periods of age crises, when a child has a strong need for independence and self-affirmation. He says “no” if “yes” is expected of him, violates prohibitions, protests against excessive guardianship (“I myself!”) And generally does everything in spite of it. It is not worth looking for a rigid age periodicity: at one and a half years, and even earlier, and at two or three years of age, such a need already makes itself felt by long periods of protest and self-will. The more energetic, active and proud the child is, the more active is his protest!
How to behave in these cases? Remember: the most important thing depends on how we react to children's negativism - the future personality, the sphere of her relations, including towards people and towards herself.
No matter what age the baby is who for the first time does not obey our will, this should serve as a signal for us about the need to change something in our previous attitude towards him. Which way? Towards strengthening and developing its independence!
Here, many young educators immediately have unpleasant associations under a repulsive heading: "pamper", "indulge", etc. Neither one nor the other! Wherever possible, have the child do something for himself and on his own. Wherever possible, you should let him realize his preference! Let him do as he wants! You should not make a scandal because the child does not obey you. Do not rush to "take action", wait! If there is no urgent need, do not insist on your own! And if you are forced to insist (for example, collect toys, get dressed to go somewhere, or, on the contrary, undress to go to bed, etc.), then do not focus on his refusal to obey. You can almost always wait a minute or two.

If we do not offer resistance or, more precisely, do not meet the expectations of the younger with our resistance, then the counterposition weakens. After waiting, we can pretend that there was no "negativism"! Here is a quote taken from the diary of a young mother:
“And my son puzzled me. I give him medicine today. I rubbed the pill with a spoon in a spoon, moistened it so that this powder does not scatter, and I hand it to my son. At first, as usual, he opened his mouth, and then suddenly closed it (in front of the spoon itself) and turned away. I stand in front of him with this spoon, like a fool, and I don’t know how to understand it and what to do. I am silent. He sat that way, turning away, then looking at me. I again give him a spoon and open my mouth myself so that he does the same. And he, on the contrary, closed his mouth more tightly, squeezed his lips and shook his head in both directions two or three times, as they usually do when they disagree with something ("no"). And again I stand in complete confusion.
And something suddenly became uneasy in my soul: well, I no longer obey ... How many dreamed of my son, imagined what he would be ... And what were the thoughts: oh, I would rather run, I would rather speak, play I would start! .. But now I felt uneasy: what should I do if I won’t obey? Complain to a folder, and that his - a strap? .. A strap ?! Well, I do not! I stand and look at him, and I myself have such restless thoughts. And he shook his head again, then looked at me and suddenly so calmly opened his mouth! And just as calmly from my hands washed down from the cup. Grimaced (bitter medicine), but did not cry. I wonder why he was stubborn, then suddenly agreed, opened his mouth, although I did not insist at this time? .. "

In the given example, the mother stood in silence in front of her son out of confusion, but that was exactly what was needed! The kid himself opened his mouth!
Another example: a toddler can methodically raise a hand to an open sore after each prohibiting adult movement. Here it is - the most innocuous example of responding to a ban! And these same episodes serve as a lesson "how to be?"
Here's a cute protest game resolution model! Why not play for a minute in that game that would satisfy the pretensions of the kid? ..
I hear such a familiar, habitual grumbling: "Play! .. So you will play enough for a day at work ..."
And yet you have nothing more expensive than your child! If he is physically ill, you rush to his aid without objection! There, the danger is obvious to you. Why are you grumbling when it comes to the development of his personality? If you suppress, suppress all attempts at independence in your baby (what you think is stubbornness), this will inevitably delay the timely development of independence, it can generally block its full development (the person will remain dependent). But at the same time, negativism may develop, which is not at all similar to tests and attempts at independence. This is already such a negativism, in which the emotional distress caused by suppression clearly makes itself felt. This will already be a painful form of protest! Sometimes with crying and screaming, sometimes with dull immobility - in different ways. But there is no expression of freedom, confidence, internal independence here, as with "normal" negativism. Even if sometimes something similar to a game is noted, this game is "painful", in it there is a desire to hurt us! But no matter how such negativism manifests itself, it serves as a way to protect and assert one's “I”, one's right to independence. The method is very unpleasant for us and joyless, painful for the child, but the only one available to him.
Attempts by adults to "correct" the baby by rough suppression of his willfulness and punishment reinforce negative forms of behavior in him. They are even reinforced by simply drawing attention to them! And from this begins the formation of negativism as a character trait. This is already a deviation from the normal development of independence. This is where true stubbornness will manifest itself - the usual unmotivated resistance to external influences - first to your significant elders, and then to any influence.
In children who are less active and hardy, suppression of independence may not cause outwardly expressed negative forms of behavior. But sooner or later an acute deficit of independence will affect, which will turn into a line that is called so - personal dependence. But “addicts” also often reveal belated manifestations of the same negativism, which is a fixed reaction of protest against the encroachment on their right to independence.
There is a difficult pattern: what did not get the opportunity to manifest itself at the proper time, at the appropriate age, will certainly manifest itself later and in a very unpleasant form. And it will hold out much longer than it could in due time. Or it may persist for life - as one of the tendencies of an immature personality. And it will make itself felt primarily in contact with the elders, with the very significant ones who delayed this development ...

But yesterday's junior does not remain only the junior for life. This position is preserved only in relation to his elders. Former teens get passports, serve in the army, and get married. And are getting their own younger ones!
Pay attention: if by this time immature personality tendencies have been preserved, they do not pass by themselves, automatically, with the birth of children. And they will inevitably show up - at the very first encounter with attempts at independence from new juniors! Immature ways of self-affirmation of young parents will now give out flashes of negativism in communication with their elders and suppress independence in new younger ones, eventually giving rise to the same conservation of immature tendencies already in the third generation. And so - up to the "seventh generation" ...
When you are eagerly fiddling with a book looking for direct instructions on how to make your problem teen “good”, when you besiege psychologists with demands for specific recommendations and drastic measures (“even hypnosis!”), Try to understand the following. Until we, the elders, want to improve ourselves, we will not be able to make our children better than they do ... Even if someone from the outside suddenly made a "miracle" son (daughter), and you will not change yourself, the improvement will be unstable, shallow and will have little effect on his attitude towards you.
A friend of mine told me about his former classmate at the university. He knew her as careless, reckless, thoughtless, prone to immodest jokes ... No one took her seriously ... At a meeting of graduates 15 years later, he was amazed at the change: instead of the old kestrel and chatterbox, there was a smart and handsome man in front of him, with manners restrained and soft, with that dignity that inspires respect even before the first words spoken. And her speech was also beautiful, simple and intelligent. What is the reason for this dramatic change? While still a student, she married and became a mother. But after graduation, the family broke up. Left with her little son, having gone through the drama, she realized the full extent of responsibility for his future. And for the sake of her son, she consciously began to rebuild herself anew - day after day! And therefore, by the age of adolescence, her son made him her friend.
I know many families and single mothers who were able to reconsider their lifestyle, themselves, their attitude towards children - even in adulthood! And the changes that have taken place with the parents have had a beneficial effect on adolescents and on already adult or almost adult children. This is the only true way of self-affirmation of an elder in front of his younger: constant, lifelong work on oneself. Both sides benefit here! This is a creative way! Until the end of your days, you will not stop growing, which means that you will not lose value for your children as a person. But this is the hard way. At least it’s difficult in the beginning.
More often they choose the easier path, but it also gives rise to "difficult" children: the elder is affirmed at the expense of his younger. This is how the chain of transmission mentioned above continues from generation to generation of immature ways of self-affirmation. Time to interrupt her! And if you have already decided on this, you need to find out what to change in yourself, in your relationship.
Clipart from the site LENAGOLD

It is important to understand: the child refuses to fulfill the request, not because he does not want to. It is much more important for him to show independence, not to obey the will of an adult. Adopting flexible tactics will help your child not only avoid unnecessary conflicts today, but also become more independent and independent in his future adult life.
Children's negativism. Tips for parents
Clipart from the site LENAGOLD - collection of backgrounds and clipart
Many parents are familiar with this picture: the child literally says everything and does the opposite. Moreover, it seems that he is deliberately acting out of spite. This can be encountered in the behavior of a preschooler and even more so a teenager.
The kid is offered to go for a walk, and he cries, shouts that he wants to play at home. At the moment of irritation, he can throw toys, objects at a person, anywhere. He can be capricious, rude, destroy something, or he can withdraw into himself. Moreover, the reasons for this resistance are often incomprehensible to others. This behavior is commonly called negativism.
Why is the child protesting?
Negativism is a child's unreasonable resistance to the influences exerted on him (Pedagogical Encyclopedic Dictionary).
So the child protests against the circumstances of life, against the attitude of different people towards him: relatives, peers, other adults. Objectively, these circumstances or relationships may not be unfavorable. The main thing is how a child or teenager perceives them.
Often, the reasons for such behavior are not clear to others, because the child himself carefully masks them. For example, anxiety and fear: "I can't handle it, it's better to refuse altogether" or "I will look ridiculous." Sometimes children protest against some life circumstances. This can be the birth of a younger brother or sister, divorce of parents, forced relocation, change of school, etc.
In essence, negativism is a reaction to some kind of unmet need. For example, in understanding, approval, respect, independence. This is one of the ways to overcome a difficult situation, although not the most constructive one.
They talk about passive negativism when a child simply ignores our requests and demands. An active negativist tries to do something opposite to what is asked of him.
Parents often say that the child is stubborn. We can say that stubbornness is a weak form of negativism. And they are similar in manifestations in behavior. But the reasons for this behavior are still different. A stubborn person strives for self-affirmation. A negativist protests against an unfavorable situation for himself.
They also talk about such a trait as perseverance - this is the desire to achieve one's own despite obstacles.
A child can show negativism in relationships with someone close or with the whole family, only in the family or almost everywhere where he appears.
Is there anything you can do about it?
The most universal means is to take into account children's needs, desires, possibilities, abilities.
Do not pass off your desires as the desires of a child or adolescent. Try to understand his condition, mood.
More often, children's negativism is a transient phenomenon. But it can gain a foothold and become a stable personality trait - if adults behave too harshly and the child is constantly experiencing emotional stress.
How to help a negativist?
In almost all children, parents report protest reactions at certain times. There are so-called crisis periods of childhood - one year, three years, six to seven years, and 13-16 years. The child (or adolescent) at these moments is trying to move to a new stage of his development, to take another step towards independence, independence, to establish himself in his own eyes and the eyes of others.
It is important to understand here: the child refuses to fulfill the request, not because he does not want to. It is much more important for him to show independence, not to obey the will of an adult. Adopting flexible tactics will help your child not only avoid unnecessary conflicts today, but also become more independent and independent in his future adult life.
When raising a negativist, try to keep the following points in mind.
The rules must be clear to children.
The child should have not only responsibilities, but also rights.
Communicate requests and reminders calmly but firmly. The irritation of the adult will only increase the child's negative reaction to the prohibition.
For any problems in the child's behavior, keeping a diary is helpful. First, observation helps the adult to sort of distance himself, to look at the situation more objectively, to reduce the emotional intensity. Secondly, to understand what exactly causes the protest in the child. It rarely happens that negativism lasts from morning until late at night.
The child needs to have a choice. Give him this opportunity. For example: "Are you going to shower or take a bath today?"
The child should not be punished just for saying the word “no”. A child who has no right to object will not be able to defend his point of view in the future.
It is worth paying attention to whether the word "no" is heard too often in communication with a child. Try to reduce the number of prohibitions - there may be unnecessary ones among them. Let the word "can" sound more often, denoting the desired forms of behavior. For example: "You cannot draw on wallpaper, but you can draw on paper."
Call on your sense of humor and play. In dealing with a stubborn baby, there is an effective method from the opposite: "You just don't try to go to bed at 8 o'clock today." Or the game of boy-girl - “on the contrary”: “Today you do everything the other way around when I ask you about something. And tomorrow I will become a "reverse mom". " Some tricks won't work - think of something else. The main thing is to experience as many positive emotions as possible from mutual communication.
Encourage activity, search for new things, independence. You don't want your son or daughter to grow up passive, dependent on other people, unable to make decisions?
Be patient and don't expect immediate results. Just remember that this is a very important period in a child's life.
Adolescent negativism
Objection is one form of negativism and can be exploited. A teenage girl is mastering high-heeled shoes. "Is it difficult for you to walk in those high heels?" - Naturally, she will object: "No, it's okay!" - Well, well, I gave myself the correct prompt suggestion.
Operational suggestion
Operational suggestion is a suggestion that is inserted into communication for the tasks of the immediate situation. It may or may not be conscious, voluntary, involuntary and post-voluntary. Operational suggestion is a type of psychological influence. As a psychological impact that evokes the necessary feelings and intentions in a person in addition to his conscious control. prompt suggestion is a common manipulation.

The hostess is exceptional! And smart, and the character is golden!
Forms of operational suggestion
Operational suggestions are also produced by text. and intonations, and facial expressions.
When a well-mannered person listens, his face is not frozen, not dead, but attentive, reflecting the state of the partner and in time expressing those emotions that serve the partner with support and prompt suggestion.
Uneducated suggestions
Why do you hate your brother so much? - looking straight in the eyes, asks the grandmother of the five-year-old boy. It is difficult to say that the boy understands himself, but one can be sure that sooner or later he will begin to treat his brother with hatred. Suggestion works.
The famous phrase of parents arranging a drinking binge on a child's birthday "And it's too early for you to drink alcohol, you - lemonade" - is understood by the child that you just need to grow up a little and you can take alcohol.
Operational (self) suggestion
Operative self-hypnosis works most strongly when it comes unconsciously (that is, without protest) and from the person himself.
For example, the tendency to object is one form of negativism and can be used. A teenage girl is mastering high-heeled shoes. "Is it difficult for you to walk in such high heels?" - Naturally, she will object: "No, it's okay!" - Well, well, I gave myself the correct operational (self) suggestion.
Children. Prohibitions and restrictions
There are several rules that help establish and maintain conflict-free discipline in the family. Kind of rules about rules.
Rule one
Rules (restrictions, requirements, prohibitions) must be in the life of every child. If they are absent, the child feels forgotten and unnecessary ("nobody cares about me").
Second rule
There shouldn't be too many rules, and they should be flexible.
How to balance these prohibitions and permissions, how to find the golden mean between the suppressive parenting style and the tolerant style?
Psychologist Yu. B. Gippenreiter in the book "Communicate with a child - How?" proposed an idea: we divide the entire field that regulates the behavior of a child into four zones. We designate them with color: green, yellow, orange, red.
Green Zone
- We put in the green zone what the child can do at his own discretion or desire. For example, choose which book to read, which games to play, whom to invite to your birthday, etc. When determining this zone, it is very interesting to think about: how much can our child really choose on his own?
Yellow zone
- The yellow zone includes those activities in which the child is given relative freedom. That is, he can choose what to do, but within certain limits. For example, he is allowed to watch TV every day, but no more than 1 hour and no later than 9 pm. Or decide for yourself when to start your homework, but the work should be finished by 20 o'clock.
It is important that the child understands what is causing this or that limitation. He is quite capable of accepting your calm but firm explanation. At the same time, emphasize what exactly remains for the child for his free choice. When children feel respect for their sense of freedom and autonomy, they can more easily accept parental constraints.
Orange zone
- Life is life, there are situations in it that sometimes make us fall into the orange zone. It outlines the actions that are permitted in case of special circumstances. For example, the father returns late at night after a long business trip. You can allow your child to go to bed later and not even go to kindergarten the next morning or (scary to say!) To school. Or: a child finds himself in a stressful situation associated with a move, illness or death of someone close to him. It is important here to emphasize to the child that permission is only justified by exceptional circumstances. Usually, children understand these restrictions well and are more willing to follow the rules in normal situations.
Red zone
- The last, red zone includes actions that are never acceptable under any circumstances. There can be no exceptions to the rule. You can't run out onto the road, play with fire, offend the weak, betray your friends ... From elementary safety rules to moral norms and social prohibitions.
Third rule
Says that parental requirements should not conflict with the essential needs of the child.
We should not limit the child's need for movement, communication or his research interests just because we cannot stand the noise or are afraid that he does not stick his nose where he should not. It is better to create a safe environment so that he can fulfill these needs of his. You can explore the puddles, but only in high boots ... You can even throw stones at the target, if you take care so that no one gets hurt.
Rule four
The rules (restrictions, requirements, prohibitions) must be agreed between adults. Consistency is systematically maintained.
There are situations in the family when mom says or permits one thing, dad - another, and grandmother offers her own version. Imagine yourself as a child in this situation. Try to figure out whose rules and restrictions you need to follow! In addition, you can seize the opportunity and get your way, making a split in the ranks of adults.
It is better for adults to foresee the possibility of such situations and agree in advance what to demand from the child.
The fifth rule
The tone in which a demand or prohibition is communicated should be friendly-explanatory rather than imperative.
Naturally, a ban given in an angry or domineering manner is perceived twice as difficult.
To the question: "Why not?" - it is not worth answering: "Because I order it so!", "You can't, that's all!" It is necessary to briefly explain: "It's already late", "It is dangerous", "It can break", etc.
The explanation should be short and given once. Moreover, it is better to give it in an impersonal form. For example: "Eat candy in the afternoon" instead of "Put the candy back now!" Or: "They don't play with matches, it's dangerous" instead of "Don't you dare touch the matches!"
And if the child does not obey? Well, apply all five rules consistently, and gradually the unwanted behavior will decrease. It is possible that it will stop altogether.
Rule six
It is better to punish a child by depriving him of what is good than making him bad. To apply this rule, try to create in your family a stock of good traditions, family holidays, etc. Then the child will have something to regret in case of misconduct.
Parenting models: prohibitions and prescriptions
Author: N.I. Kozlov
Parenting models are stable relationships between seniors and younger ones, where the elders play an active role in parenting. Models of upbringing are sometimes understood, sometimes not completely. In some cases, it happens that parents in words declare one model of upbringing, but in practice they implement another. It is quite common for parents to use several models at the same time in their practice.
There is no ideal model that best suits any parent and any child, but there are models that are more problematic, there are controversial ones, and there are quite successful ones. Let's list and comment on the main models:
Educational schizophrenia

Hedgehog in the fog ...
The model of "Pedagogical schizophrenia" is a large number of seemingly strict prohibitions, but such prohibitions that in fact can be violated. When you will be punished for this is unknown.
Mom shouts: "You can't run here, don't run!", But after that the child continues to run, and mom just sighs.
Figuratively - a child in a fog, where he is surrounded on all sides by embarrassing things and walls, but through which one can break through. They seem to be there, they are frightening - but if you reach out or walk through them, they are not.
Active and quick-witted children use this as a field for maneuvers and learn to actively cheat. Less intelligent children are completely disoriented about what is allowed and what is not, low self-esteem is formed and disrespect for prohibitions is brought up.
Cramped House, or Iron Gauntlets
The child is surrounded by a large number of prohibitions, he is not allowed to do anything, and punishment immediately follows for violations. From a strong child, just parents in such a model can raise a warrior - strict to themselves and disciplined. However, in the hands of ordinary parents, this model often fosters fear and inactivity in children. It should be borne in mind that prohibitions may not be explicit, but hidden, and punishment - through the formation of a sense of guilt, as in the option "Please do not make your mother angry." Either way, this is a controversial model. In local difficult situations, it can be the only correct solution, as the basic model for a normal life - it is not recommended.
Freedom field
In this model, parents avoid artificial prohibitions, the child is brought up according to the principle "The fewer prohibitions, the better." It is clear that parents still teach the child what is vital, what will save the life of the child and those around him (“children don’t play with matches, knives and axes”), however, ideally, all social prohibitions in this model should be removed. At the same time, in contrast to connivance, where educational influences are absent as such, in this model the educational process is carried out through the child's collision with natural, natural limitations. Moreover, these natural limitations are sometimes created artificially so that the child can cope with life's difficulties. The main thing in this model is that the child does not feel pressure from the parents. The model has its problems and limitations, but in the right hands it sometimes gives excellent results.
Spacious house
In this model, the parents are not afraid to prohibit the child something, but they strive to ensure that the prohibitions are understandable, reasonable and only the most necessary, compelled. There are few bans, but they are clearly defined and strictly enforced. It is impossible - it means it is impossible always, but the severity of the prohibition is implemented in a variety of ways, not necessarily only by punishments, especially by speedy punishments. A personal example, warnings, explanations, good conversations, the formation of a total public opinion help to comply with the ban: "This is definitely not possible." Something can be forgiven, but the direction of the educational policy is definite: what is not allowed is not really. Like walls in a house. The wall will not let you in, not because it is evil, but simply because it is standing there. This is the order. At the same time, the space of freedom is large, the walls of prohibitions do not stifle, there are opportunities to play, try, indulge.
Spacious house with a development line
This model is born when the Short Leash technique is added to the Spacious Home model. We repeat, in this model, parents are not afraid to prohibit the child something, but strive to ensure that the prohibitions are understandable, reasonable and only the most necessary, compelled. There are few bans, but they are clearly defined and strictly enforced. A personal example, warnings, explanations, good conversations help to comply with the prohibition ... In such a relationship, parents lead their children through the space of freedom, showing the best routes. Without parental control, children live and play in an atmosphere of freedom, knowing rare but mandatory prohibitions, however, parents take care to be with their children for as much time as possible and lead them through life in the best possible way, fostering courage and self-confidence in them , honesty, hard work and other socially worthy qualities. The attitude "Education is customary, natural and rather pleasant" is being implemented. An excellent model, however, it requires a high level of parenting activity and a rather serious time investment.